Annie's Mailbox® by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar

Dear Annie: A year ago, I visited my daughter, "Cindy," her husband, her two sons from her first marriage and their new baby daughter. Things were fine except for the way her husband treats those two boys. Abusive is putting it mildly. And Cindy, by the way, seems to sanction this behavior.

Before leaving, I gave my phone number and address to my oldest grandson and asked him to have his father contact me when I got home. I felt Cindy's ex-husband was the best one to confront her about this. But Cindy learned I had tried to contact her ex and she blew up at me. We haven't spoken since, and she won't let the children talk to me, either. She told me I will never see my granddaughter again.

When they were living in another state, her husband was twice reported to Child Protective Services. My husband urged me to call CPS, but I didn't, and now wonder whether I should have.

This past summer, Cindy came to my area and visited everyone in the family except me. I'm sure her major motivation was to throw it in my face. She has pulled this sort of thing in the past when I didn't please her, and I always ended up begging forgiveness in order to have contact with my grandchildren. But this time is different. I refuse to deny what her husband is doing.

Must I wait for my grandchildren to grow up before I see them again? The oldest one called me from his father's home a few times, but that stopped when Cindy found out and punished him. What can I do? — Brokenhearted Nana

Dear Nana: Sad to say, there are some misguided women who put a relationship with a man above the welfare of their children. If you are in contact with the father, ask what he is doing about this situation. These are his sons and he should be investigating and reporting any abuse. Also call the Childhelp National Child Abuse Hotline at 1-800-4-A-CHILD (1-800-422-4453) and ask what else you can do to protect those boys.

In the meantime, keep track of them through their father.

Dear Annie: I am a single mom. I have a life insurance policy on which my 18-year-old daughter, my only child, is listed as the beneficiary.

My current boyfriend and I have been discussing marriage. He insists that his name also be listed on this policy after we are married. He also claims that after we are married he will get the money anyway because he would be my surviving spouse.

I am very uncomfortable discussing this with him further. Do I need to consult a lawyer to be sure that money goes to my daughter? Should I be worried about my boyfriend's attitude? — Confused

Dear Confused: We don't trust anyone whose first concern is your life insurance money. Your boyfriend should understand your wish to set aside funds for your daughter, and he most likely is not entitled to any claim on a preexisting policy. He could, however, get the rest of your property unless you have specifically designated otherwise, in writing.

We'd think twice about this marriage, and if you decide to go ahead, talk to a lawyer first.

Dear Annie: I read your column daily and it is always informative. Alas, I have one complaint. When you recommend emotional help to someone, you always suggest they go to their church. What is the matter with recommending they go to a temple? Rabbis are as capable as priests and preachers to help these people. — Marcia

Dear Marcia: Most of the time we suggest people talk to their clergyperson — that includes rabbis, priests, imams and anyone else. But you are right that we often say "church" to indicate any place of worship, when we ought to be more specifically inclusive. On that note, we'd like to wish all our Jewish readers a happy Chanukah.

Annie's Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Please e-mail your questions to anniesmailbox@comcast.net, or write to: Annie's Mailbox, P.O. Box 118190, Chicago, IL 60611. To find out more about Annie's Mailbox, and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.

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