Annie's Mailbox® by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar

Dear Annie: Since I was in my early teens, I have pretended to be sick on a lot of occasions when I really wasn't. I am now entering late adulthood and still doing it. I can't seem to stop. I know it is an awful way to get attention or whatever the reason may be. My therapist doesn't even know the scoop. I suffer from bipolar disorder, which wasn't diagnosed until my 20s. I feel ashamed, devious, like a liar, and sometimes despair of ever breaking free of this habit. What can I do? I worry I'm going to hell for tricking people like this.

My mother was distant, and my father was an abusive, mean alcoholic. Both are dead now. My brothers and sisters don't have this particular problem, but they are all addicts of one type or another. One of my younger sisters gets attention by hyper-dramatizing everything, good or bad. It's like she's performing on stage. She embellishes every fact and lies like crazy. We're one deranged family, I know. Hardly any of my siblings speak to one another. Any ideas? — Trying To Get Well

Dear Trying: As you know, the first step in healing is acknowledging the problem and then doing something about it. You are already on the path to recovery. While your therapist helps you uncover the reason you need this kind of attention, also discuss medication, if you are not already taking any for your bipolar disease, along with behavior modification to change the way you conduct yourself. Ask for specific guidelines or a referral to someone who specializes in such behaviors. We'll be rooting for you.

Dear Annie: Seven years ago, I met "Dan" at college and we became fast friends. A semester later, he moved back to his home state 10 hours away. Even with the distance, we've grown closer over the years, e-mailing, calling and sending small gifts for birthdays and holidays. Once in a while, we'd meet up and talk about everything under the sun. I consider him like a brother.

I recently discovered that Dan may not be who I thought he was.

I looked for him on our college alumni website and he's not listed. I did an Internet search based on where he lives and found him listed under a different last name and slightly older. I know his parents were divorced and his father ruined his credit history by opening cards in his name and not paying on them, so maybe that's the reason. Dan also once mentioned that he wanted to change his name. I don't know what to think and can't help wondering whether he's lied about anything else. How do I find out? — Wondering Wendy

Dear Wendy: There may be a perfectly innocent reason why you are having trouble finding accurate information on Dan. Sometimes students who leave before graduation are not listed as members of that class. The person you found online at the address you checked may have been someone else altogether. So ask him directly. Explain that you couldn't find him on your college website or anywhere else and see what he says.

Dear Annie: My condolences to "California," the father whose son died of alcoholism. It is a common occurrence that is seldom listed on the death certificate. Alcoholism took the life of my first wife and her parents, as well as my father. My son also seems to be committing suicide on the installment plan.

As a recovered alcoholic, I heard these words of wisdom spoken by another recovered alcoholic: "There is nothing you can do to get an alcoholic to stop drinking or start drinking unless they decide to." We are all under God's grace, drunk or sober. We live in a society where fixing blame is more important than taking responsibility. Tell him to blame the disease, not himself, and then deal with it as best he can. — St. Louis

Dear St. Louis: Thank you. We hope "California" will find your letter comforting.

Annie's Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Please e-mail your questions to anniesmailbox@comcast.net, or write to: Annie's Mailbox, P.O. Box 118190, Chicago, IL 60611. To find out more about Annie's Mailbox, and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.

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