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In responce to the man with the female friend from work, ( May 2nd issue) who says they are just friends.. I have been there, yes it starts out as friends, they arrange to spend time together for any reason, but the wife needs to go along so it doesnt look strange, but then plans are made for other outings, and pretty soon they are doing things alone, and the infatuation gets even worse. Trust your instincts, or your gut feelings, he needs to decide who he wants in his life, you or the other women. if you feel uncomfortable with this even counceling wont do it, this is an affair waiting to happen, if it hasnt already. He knows this is wrong, but until you give him an ultimatim, and stick to it, nothing will change. The other women knows this as well, but she only wants what she wants, and could stand to gain your husband.. I have been there,

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This is in response to the 5/1 article about house guests in Hawaii. I just read your response to the family in Hawaii who were concerned about having to foot the bill for their friends' vacations. It is obvious from your response, that you have never lived in a location where you are inundated with guests. If we had just one set of guests a year, that would be fine. This winter in Florida we have had 8 sets of guests and only one was a family member. Yes, we enjoy their company and certainly expect to incur some expenses, but we are not a free vacation zone and certainly feel resentment build as we put out more and more money and energy so our friends can have a free vacation. Also, our guests usually stay for at least 5 – 7 days. I am sure the Hawaiian family also gets long staying guests because of the cost of airfare to get there. With the cost of gas, we can expect to spend at least $300 on just their transportation expenses – we are 70 miles away from the airport on a toll road in a rural area. Just because we have the SunPass, the tolls roads are not free. We have been to all the state parks and other tourist spots that require an admission on numerous occasions. We surely would not be there once again if not for our guests. We would not be eating lunches and dinner out if we were not entertaining our guests. One guest even suggested we split the cost of a $4.00 sandwich. It is very uncomfortable when we are eating out and the waitress asks if we want separate checks. We wait in an uncomfortable silence for our guests to say “No” and then we end up asking for separate checks. If you add transportation costs, food, admissions, and dining out we would easily reach $500 per visit. Take that times our eight sets of guests that equals $4000 we have put out for company just this winter. Imagine what a nice vacation we could have had with $5000. We have to clean our house, purchase all the food, prepare all the food with little or no help from our guests, provide chauffer service, cancel our regular activities that we enjoy, etc. Meanwhile our guests are having a wonderful relaxing low cost vacation. I am exhausted! My resentment builds as our guests are merrily spending huge amounts of money on souvenirs and gifts for themselves and people back home. One couple spent more on a gift for the person who took them to the airport than they did for us. Not all our guests take advantage of us. Many are more than generous, and we certainly appreciate their understanding that their visit is costing us a huge amount of money. But, there are a few who truly take advantage of our hospitality. We end up keeping our mouths shut about the situation because we don't want to offend our friends. What we would appreciate, though, are guests who are more sensitive to the costs we incur so they can visit Florida. When you live in a tourist spot, our guests are not particularly coming to visit us. They are coming to have a Florida vacation. None of these people ever came to visit us when we lived in Iowa unless they were driving across the country on I-80 and we were a convenient overnight stay. Sue Barry