Annie's Mailbox®, June 12
by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar
Dear Annie: I met my husband two years ago. My mother doesn't care for him, and I have no idea why. She told me there was no way he could love me and that I didn't love him. After she came to my apartment and yelled at him, I cut off contact.
I had a baby four months ago. I miss my mother, but don't know if I should contact her again. She keeps telling people I am dead to her, but then says things like, "My daughter had a baby. I'm so happy to be a grandma."
I would li ...
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Posted by: Norma
Comment: #1
Fri Jun 13, 2008 8:32 PM
This young mother is dealing with a controlling bully. She owes her allegiance to her husband, her child, and their family unit. The time and energy she would spend in attempting to placate her mother is better spent with her own family. Her mother has obviously been successful at making everyone jump through her hoops or she would not continue to require such behavior. There are just some cases where estrangement is far better than subjecting a child to this type of grandmother. The confusion for the child is not worth it. Not knowing an abusive relative is not the end of the world. This child and her father deserve better, as does the mother...who needs to see a counselor to help her work through the obvious guilt trip her mother has placed on her.
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Posted by: Jan
Comment: #2
Thu Jun 12, 2008 10:01 AM
LW-1 I'd start with visits to the mother with the child, but without the husband. Make it clear if she starts to bad mouth the husband, you will pick up the baby and leave. I'd continue the visits, but consistenly leave if bad behavior starts. If she can go for a reasonable length of time with out the criticism, I'd start having the husband visit. The same rules should apply. If she starts in again with the criticism, I'd keep my distance from her. I feel when you are married you owe loyalty to your spouse.
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