Annie's Mailbox®, June 22
by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar
Dear Annie: I am 24 years old and in considerable debt due to my mother. I didn't want to press charges, so I'm struggling to pay it off. Mom won't even talk about it. I am planning to be married next year, and my fiance is helping me financially.
Despite the situation, my mother comes crying to us anytime anything is wrong or she needs money, but nothing I do is ever good enough. I just graduated from college after putting it off in order to work full time and pay down the debt. But w ...
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3 Comments | Post Comment
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Posted by: LadyKimberly
Comment: #1
Sun Jun 22, 2008 10:07 AM
This letter hit so close to home, it's scary! Twenty-five years ago, I was in the same boat as "Tired of Being the Parent," except it was my father. After a hideous Christmas where he & my step-mother ridiculed me, my new husband, and actually GAVE back the gift I presented my dad in order for ME to buy something three times more expensive, they showed up uninvited to my college graduation. They complained the whole time. Why? Because it was a 10:30 commencement, and they had to get up early on a Saturday. MOST of the parents come in the previous night and take their children out for a congratulatory dinner. Not only did my dad fail to contribute a single penny towards my education, he and his second wife spent the money my mother had saved for college. Never once did they visit me at college, even though they drove within a few miles of my doorstep enroute to visiting my step-sister. After crying for 3 hours as we headed north, for our home that graduation day, I made a decision. I wrote them a letter and basically terminated our relationship, forever. It's over 25 years later and it's the best decision I ever made after years of physical and mental abuse. Just because someone donates their sperm or uterus for conception, they do not have the right to torture the offspring for the rest of their lives. I was almost exactly the same age as "Tired" when this all happened. At that point, I'd been self-supporting for 8 years. I realized that I would never be treated with respect. They were never proud of anything I accomplished, although they did use some things to degrade my sister along the way. Cut your losses while you can!
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Posted by: Al
Comment: #2
Sun Jun 22, 2008 2:41 AM
24 years old and in debt to her mother needs to accept that her mother is a thankless freeloader. Counseling might help, but in the long run, avoiding her mother at all costs and getting on with her life would be more productive.
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Posted by: Zen
Comment: #3
Sun Jun 22, 2008 9:10 AM
Tired of Being the Parent needs to learn that just because someone donated half your DNA doesn't mean you have to A) like them, B) put up with them, or C) not press criminal charges when criminal charges should be pressed. This woman is a freeloader and, frankly, financially abusive. It sounds like she doesn't care one whit about her daughter - so why should her daughter care about her? Advise her to cut off all contact (aside from that which may be necessary to get her to legally pay back what is owed) and be done with it. It's better advice than 'try counseling'.
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