My wife and I are terrible parents, uncaring and insensitive creeps. At least that's what you'd believe if you asked our three youngest children, our 14-year-old son and twin 12-year-old daughters.

It's not that we neglect to feed them or beat them. (Well, sometimes the fridge gets kind of bare, but there's always backup Ramen noodles, and as for beatings, I may threaten that all the time, but never follow through.) No, it's that, it's … and please don't report us to the police … we've ...

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