Dear Annie: My wife, "Michelle," has been having an affair and I have filed for divorce. Our children do not know about the infidelity yet, but I'm sure it will come out. Right now, Michelle is on a trip with "him." The kids ask why we can't afford things when Mom travels and buys expensive items. I cannot answer them. His gifts are out of my range.

I am the husband who cooks, cleans and cares for our children. I massaged her feet. I sent flowers for no reason. I earned enough so that she could stay home. Since she left, the kids have told me they see no difference in their daily activity, but they wonder why Mom doesn't call.

My question is to her friends: Why did you help her cheat on me? Where are your morals? You didn't have to condemn her, but why would you actually encourage her by supplying alibis for her missing hours? I hope you sleep well knowing that although I will get through this (and I will), you've helped destroy the lives of three children whose mother chose another man over her family. You have no honor. Will you someday look my grown children in the eyes and tell them what you did?

If a marriage is over, then end it. After ending it, go ahead and pursue other people, but not before. I truly hope the day comes when someone will do this to you so you can fully grasp the hurt. — Still Loving Her

Dear Still: Your pain and anger are powerful enough to be felt right through your letter. Some people find it difficult to turn down a friend who begs for this kind of "favor," and you are right to hold them accountable. But don't kid yourself. Friends can make an affair easier, but had they said no, your wife would have found another way. Because you still love her, you are looking to spread the blame around. Please consider counseling for yourself and your children to help all of you transition to your new situation.

Dear Annie: My husband and I recently received a graduation invitation for his nephew who lives a great distance away. It was postmarked the same day as the graduation ceremony, so obviously, we received it well after the event had passed.

I can only assume this invitation is nothing more than a gift solicitation, and an incredibly rude one at that. How should we handle it? — Fuming Sister-in-Law

Dear Fuming: Like an announcement, which means you may send a gift if you want, but either way, please send a card of congratulations. We assume you wish the graduate well, regardless of the circumstances.

Dear Annie: Thank you for a wonderful Memorial Day column. I think every Canadian child has learned "In Flanders Field" at some point. I would, however, like to point out an error.

While my brother, who lives in Indiana, celebrates Memorial Day in May, we in Canada do not. We celebrate the end of World War I on Remembrance Day, Nov. 11, and that is when we wear our poppies, lay wreathes on war memorials and recite McCrae's poem.

We do have a holiday in May with the official commemoration of Queen Victoria's birthday, but it's not connected to Memorial Day. (And in Quebec, it is called "Fete des Patriotes," giving it that distinct Quebec flavor.) Frankly, it is more commonly known simply as "the May long weekend."

Thanks for your continuing good work. — Beth in Montreal

Dear Beth: Several of our readers pointed out that in Canada, Memorial Day and the wearing of poppies take place in November. In the United States, Nov. 11 is known as Veterans Day (and used to be known as Armistice Day). Thanks for the Canadian history lesson. We love learning from our readers.

Annie's Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Please e-mail your questions to anniesmailbox@comcast.net, or write to: Annie's Mailbox, P.O. Box 118190, Chicago, IL 60611. To find out more about Annie's Mailbox, and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.

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