Dear Annie: I have known my dear friend "Alice" for 40 years. She remarried two years ago and lives in another state. Her husband has always given me an awful feeling. He is very disrespectful, refuses to hold down a job and doesn't appreciate a thing my hardworking girlfriend does for him. She has supported him from Day One.

Last week, a mutual friend sent me online information for the public records of anyone with a criminal history. Alice's husband is listed there, with several assault, battery, theft, breaking and entering, and DUI charges in the past 12 years. He has served jail time, and one charge was battery to women. There have been a few instances that made me think he's already done something to Alice. I am so afraid she will get hurt or worse.

I want to show all this to Alice. I don't believe she knows. My husband, however, says I should stay out of it. I am visiting Alice's city soon. What should I do? — Confused Friend in Pennsylvania

Dear Confused: Alice deserves to know what you found out, but she may already be aware of it and she may resent your involvement, so broach the subject delicately. Meet her for lunch (just the two of you) and say, "Alice, I don't wish to upset you, but I found this on the Internet and thought you should know. You're one of my dearest friends and I want to be sure you are OK. If you need my help with anything, I'm here." If she becomes angry or refuses to open up, leave the subject alone and move on to something else. She knows how to reach you.

Dear Annie: There is an older woman in our apartment building who does not bathe or clean her clothes very often. She wears sweatshirts with different logos for up to six months and never washes them. Instead, she sprays fabric freshener on them. Her apartment is also cluttered and smells. She seems to be unaware of this.

"Harriett" belongs to many clubs and is always going to funerals, so she is around people often. How can we tell her about the body odor? — Indianapolis

Dear Indianapolis: Does Harriett have any family members whom you can contact? If so, alert them to your concerns and suggest they have Harriett evaluated by a physician. Otherwise, please contact the Eldercare Locator (eldercare.gov) at 1-800-677-1116 and explain the situation. It sounds as if Harriett may need professional intervention.

Dear Annie: I'd like to thank Dr. Kochkin for his letter on hearing loss. His opening comment about how it affects one's life is sadly true.

I lived with a father who was always asking us to repeat ourselves, in spite of the fact that he wore hearing aids. It was annoying to us and painful to watch him struggle in crowds. Not yet 50 and suffering significant loss, I found myself withdrawing rather than seeing the look on my co-workers' faces when I didn't hear them or responded inappropriately.

At my new job, I realized I could not fake it, so I invested in the most up-to-date aides I could afford. Though they are a great help, I'd like to offer a few suggestions to those who are able to hear a mouse whisper down the block:

Please speak clearly and with confidence, especially at work. Don't speak with your hand over your mouth. Get your co-worker's attention before giving instructions or asking a question. And on the phone, slow down. You don't know what kind of connection you have. It is more than being considerate. It is the sign of a professional.

Hearing loss causes everything Dr. Kochkin said — depression, withdrawal, frustration. And yes, we do have a responsibility to make our situation known so all involved can do what is necessary to hear and be heard. — Hearing OK

Dear Hearing: We all could use the reminder to speak more distinctly. Thanks for writing.

Annie's Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Please e-mail your questions to anniesmailbox@comcast.net, or write to: Annie's Mailbox, P.O. Box 118190, Chicago, IL 60611. To find out more about Annie's Mailbox, and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.

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