Dear Annie: My 55-year-old brother, "Cary," has been in and out of jail for the last couple of years. He has had problems with drugs and alcohol, and can't keep a job, so he has trouble paying child support.

My mother, who passed away last year, always helped him out. She thought by loving him, he would come around. When she died, there was a small life insurance policy that gave each of her children $5,000. Cary's money was put into a trust, and my niece and I control it.

Seven months ago, I helped Cary find an apartment and a decent used car. I used the trust money to pay his first month's rent, and all he had to do was pay his court fines and get a job. He did neither. He claimed there were no jobs available, but instead of looking for work, he sat in a chair all day watching TV, drinking beer and doing drugs. He told me someone borrowed his car, but he actually sold it to a crack dealer.

In December, Cary called and asked for more money and I turned him down because the trust was running out. Cary now owes $700 to the apartment complex, and they won't release his things until he coughs up the money. Since he didn't pay the $3,000 he owes in court fines, he was sent to jail last week. There is $500 left in the trust, and he is calling me collect from jail asking for money to buy shampoo, underwear, stamps and candy.

If I send him $20 here and there for the next few months, the trust money will be gone. I love my brother. What do I do now? — Worried Sister

Dear Sister: The trust doesn't have enough to pay off Cary's back rent or get him another apartment for more than a month. If Cary uses it up on shampoo and stamps in jail, or drugs and beer when he's out, it's still going to disappear with little to show for it, so you may as well let him have $20 here and there. Your heart is in the right place and we know you want to help your brother, but at some point, he must want to clean up his act, and $500 isn't going to save him unless you use it to pay for drug rehab and counseling. Contact Nar-Anon (nar-anon.org), 22527 Crenshaw Blvd. #200B, Torrance, CA 90505 for support.

Dear Annie: I am a happily married woman and a loving mother. The problem is, when my husband and I walk down the street, if I see a guy walking or driving by, I will look down or away. I don't feel right looking at anyone else when I'm married.

My husband always jokes with me and says everyone looks. Well, I don't, and I have tried to tell my husband this, but he just laughs and says "whatever." I know he doesn't believe me, but I am very serious. I have asked others and they all say it's natural to look. Is something wrong with me? — Confused in Kansas

Dear Confused: No, dear, you're fine. It is natural to look, but not everyone wants to. Stop trying to convince your husband of your moral rectitude. He doesn't care if you look or not, and the more you defend yourself, the less believable you seem.

Dear Annie: This is for "Concerned Grandma," whose 14-year-old grandson likes to hug. I, too, have hugging grandchildren, all in their 20s. They have been huggers all their lives. When they arrive at our house for a visit, and during the entire time they are here, they hug us. They love to lie on the couch and have me scratch their backs while watching the television. They are great kids, wonderful students and terrific athletes. They also send us e-mails with love and have given us special nicknames. We wouldn't want them any other way. — Nan and Pops

Annie's Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Please e-mail your questions to anniesmailbox@comcast.net, or write to: Annie's Mailbox, P.O. Box 118190, Chicago, IL 60611. To find out more about Annie's Mailbox, and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.

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