Dear Annie: My husband and I have been happily married for 14 years and we have a 10-year-old daughter.

"Jim" recently joined a local gym and goes there four nights a week. He's made several friends, and after their workout, they go out for a bite to eat. By the time he gets home, I am in bed.

One of Jim's workout buddies is a 24-year-old girl. My husband is 45. I started getting suspicious about him spending so much time with his new friends, and one night when I couldn't sleep, I went to use our computer. Jim's e-mail was open and I peeked. He had been corresponding with this girl for weeks, telling her how beautiful she is and how much he misses her. He even said he was jealous of her boyfriend. I couldn't believe what I was reading.

I confronted him, and at first, he was only upset that I read his e-mail. Then he assured me he and this girl were just friends. But, Annie, he still e-mails, texts and calls her on a daily basis. I am so depressed. I can't eat or sleep, and I cry all the time. Jim says he has no intention of giving up his friends. Am I overreacting? I'm afraid things will never be the same between us. — Desperate To Have My Life Back

Dear Desperate: There may be no sexual affair going on, but Jim obviously has a crush on this young woman and is giving her the romantic attention that belongs to you. "Just friends" is baloney and he knows it, but it gives him the justification to continue. Many such flirtations end on their own, especially if you can rev up the action at home. However, Jim's determination to keep seeing her is very damaging. Tell him he's not fooling anyone and must break off all communication with this girl before it destroys your marriage, even if that means finding another gym.

Dear Annie: Six years ago, I became involved with a man who has two adult children. We live together in the house his children grew up in, and they frequently come over to visit their father.

The problem is, they refuse to knock before entering. They call, sometimes hours before they intend to show up, saying they will be coming sometime during the day and then simply walk in through whatever door is unlocked. I asked one of them to please knock first, and she told me this is her house and she shouldn't have to announce her arrival.

I have discussed this with their father, but he believes as long as they call, it's enough. I think this is very rude and shows no respect for our privacy. — Too Open in California

Dear California: Anyone entering someone else's home should knock first, but these adult kids obviously believe this isn't "someone else's" home. We don't recommend you pit yourself against your boyfriend's children. Your problem is easily solved by regularly locking all your doors. Do it.

Dear Annie: This is in response to "Please Remove Your Hat." I agree that many men do wear their hats inappropriately. However, to be fair, you must look at the surroundings. Very few restaurants or other places have hat racks these days.

Have you ever tried to carry your tray through a cafeteria line and hold your hat at the same time? Some theaters make you hold your hat in your lap during the performance. Other public buildings are just as bad.

I always remove my hat, but it's annoying to put a good hat on the floor where it can get dirty, or on a chair only to have someone sit on it. — BTDT

Dear BTDT: You're right about hat racks, although most places have coat racks and hats can usually be left there. You also can leave it in your car. Otherwise, an empty chair is your best bet. Keep an eye out so no one sits on it.

Annie's Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Please e-mail your questions to anniesmailbox@comcast.net, or write to: Annie's Mailbox, P.O. Box 118190, Chicago, IL 60611. To find out more about Annie's Mailbox, and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.

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