Dear Annie: A year ago, I fell hard for a very good friend of my husband. I love my husband, but I think it is simply out of habit rather than anything real.

"Tony" is single and I believe he cares for me more than he is willing to admit. But he says he wouldn't take me out in public even if I left my husband. I love him beyond words and thought I was willing to give up everything for him, but now I'm not sure. I stayed away from Tony for over two months, but then he contacted me, yet still says we can't be more than we are now.

We both have a lot to lose by pursuing this, but I can't go on living with one man and being in love with another. Tony has admitted he cares for me, but that's as far as he'll go. What happens now? — Daytime Friends and Nighttime Lovers

Dear Daytime: Nothing. Your fantasies are getting in the way of reality. Tony isn't interested in marrying you. He doesn't want you to leave your husband. He isn't willing to give up his friendship with your husband for you. But he enjoys the attention and will continue to string you along if you keep permitting it. This isn't love. This is infatuation and you can get over it, but you must make the effort. Otherwise, in a year, you'll be kicking yourself. Tony was available when you were emotionally needy. Now you must channel that neediness by reconnecting with your husband. Remember what you love about him and focus on rekindling your romance. If you can't do that on your own, please get counseling.

Dear Annie: Could you please settle a dispute over manners between my son and me? He recently told me of a dining experience he had with his new girlfriend and her family. They had gone to a nice restaurant and my son ordered a t-bone steak. He went on to tell me how he picked the bone up and chewed the remainder of the meat off of it.

He sees nothing wrong with this. I, on the other hand, think he had a lapse in good judgment and manners. Please settle this for us. — Tried To Raise Him Right

Dear Tried: In an informal setting, perhaps at his girlfriend's home, it would be OK to pick up the mostly clean bone of a lamb chop, pork chop or small steak and chew to your heart's content. But in a restaurant, your son should have cut as much meat as possible from the bone and eaten it with his fork. You win this one, Mom.

Dear Annie: This is in regard to the letter from "Confused Out West," whose husband volunteers to travel to officiate sporting contests, etc.

I have been an official for 28 years. All of my mileage, uniforms, laundry, hotel bills, association dues, related phone calls, partial cell phone costs, etc. are tax-deductible business expenses. Do I love it? Yes. Would I do it for free? No. I officiate some games for free because they are for good causes, like tournaments that raise funds for student scholarships, medical bill fundraisers, etc.

When I was younger, this part-time business was a vital part of our family income. Now, I simply love the camaraderie and the physical and mental challenges. The extra money goes to vacations, nights out, etc.

This woman is sadly mistaken thinking her husband volunteers to do this. Maybe she needs to ask what is really going on. If they are "in the hole" because of his officiating, he should stop. — Greg the Zebra

Dear Greg: We aren't sure whether he's getting paid or not, and several readers questioned the financial aspect of this arrangement. We do know that he is spending too much time away from his family and that needs to be corrected.

Annie's Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Please e-mail your questions to anniesmailbox@comcast.net, or write to: Annie's Mailbox, P.O. Box 118190, Chicago, IL 60611. To find out more about Annie's Mailbox, and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.

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