Dear Annie: My sister and her husband have some habits that really turn me off when I visit. They leave dirty pots and pans on the stove for weeks. They allow used dishes, cups and utensils to pile up in the sink until it is overflowing. They have a dishwasher, but say it doesn't clean the pots very well. That's no surprise when the pots have been left out with food remnants drying on them for weeks.

They also eat directly out of containers of food, like pre-made salads and ice cream, and then put them back in the refrigerator. They serve guests directly from these same food containers. When their kitchen trash can is full, it is pulled out from its spot and placed in the middle of the floor. From there, it becomes a trial of wills to see who will give in and take the trash outside to the garbage can.

They apparently do not care about the health issues of all their bad habits. It is not like they are pressed for time to get these things done, as both are retired. My brother-in-law spends 90 percent of his free time e-mailing friends and acquaintances all over the country, while my sister spends an equal amount of time in front of the TV.

If anything is mentioned to them about the dirty dishes or overflowing garbage, they get angry and defensive. Other than not visiting or eating out every night (which can get expensive), what do I do? — Disgusted in California

Dear Disgusted: Your sister and her husband have reached an accommodation about their level of cleanliness and they are content with it. Consider staying at a motel, or buy groceries and cook your own meals. If you are close enough to be an overnight guest, you should also pitch in and help by washing a few dishes and emptying the overflowing garbage.

Dear Annie: Recently, my husband had a kidney biopsy. This made him think about wills.

Many times families request that people make donations to a charity in lieu of flowers. He wanted to know about asking people to make a donation to our grandson's college fund. Would that be tacky? — Tyler, Texas

Dear Tyler: Yes. Unless your husband's death will create a major financial hardship for your grandson, it is inappropriate to ask other people to donate money to benefit your family directly. You are not a charitable organization. Your husband should consider setting up a trust fund to help pay for his grandson's education.

Dear Annie: This is in response to all the letters from men explaining why they have affairs. What hogwash. There is no justification for cheating. Men say their wives have gained weight, but husbands develop all kinds of bad habits. Some men suggest they are entitled to cheat because they have helped put the children to bed and done some housework. It is obvious they are only doing these things so they can reap the benefit — sex. Do men think women are stupid?

Shame on all of them for trying to excuse their cheating by claiming they gave it their best effort and there was no way to avoid an affair. After years of marriage, romance has taken a back seat to simply getting the sexual satisfaction they feel they are entitled to. Women remember how things were when they met their husbands, and they, too, miss those passionate moments.

Listen up, you self-centered, ignorant, cheating fools. It isn't all about you. While you are out doing the co-worker or paying $150 to be serviced, your wife may be out enjoying someone who gives her what you don't. — Napa, Calif.

Dear Napa: My, my, you certainly needed to let off some steam. We hope it helped.

Annie's Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Please e-mail your questions to anniesmailbox@comcast.net, or write to: Annie's Mailbox, P.O. Box 118190, Chicago, IL 60611. To find out more about Annie's Mailbox, and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.

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