A July 8, 2008, article in The Wall Street Journal has convinced me that the country of France is full of French people.

The article didn't say that, exactly. What it said was that the government-run health spa at Aix-Les-Bains is having labor problems. I don't know about you, but when I read words like "government-run" and "labor problems," I just naturally think "French people."

In France, if your doctor says you need mud wraps and massages to make you feel better, the government will provide you with transportation, lodging and treatments at Aix-Les-Bains. If your doctor says this sort of pampering will make you feel worse, you're out of luck, so this isn't just some kind of crazy government program delivering spa vacations to anyone who wants them.

The reason labor strife has hit this resort is that the government is heartlessly attempting to reduce the payroll there by half, though not by firing anybody — they've merely asked for volunteers.

"Naturally, we went on strike," the Journal quotes one of the physiotherapists as saying. (Actually, I think she probably said "naturellement," but I wasn't there.)

The article went on to explain that there is so little work for the physiotherapists to do that 27 of them are on sick leave, most of them for depression from lack of activity. Apparently, the facility at Aix-Les-Bains is having trouble competing with privately owned health spas, which is odd because you'd think no one in the world would be better at massaging people than government workers. Alas, though they are doing their best, it would seem that the government employees are rubbing people the wrong way.

Hopefully, the 10-day physiotherapist strike boosted morale among the 27 depressed employees, because at last they had something productive to do: stay home from work.

The spa is very important to the local economy because without it, no one would ever take a holiday in Aix-Les-Bains, which has nothing else to offer except gorgeous scenery and world-class hotels.

"Wait, you expect me to go to a resort city in the French Alps, on the shores of Bourget Lake, without my government paying for it?" the citizens of France seem to be saying (though we can't be sure because they're speaking, you know, French.)

The Journal article quotes Jean-Pierre Grouzard, chairman of France's federation of spa patients, as saying "the spa risks losing its soul." That's right, in France, spas have souls and spa patients have their own union. They will probably go on strike, refusing to take their massages lying down, if the government goes ahead with its draconian plan to ask 47 physiotherapists to resign. They will storm the streets, marching in their bathrobes, fighting for the right of every French citizen to be given a free spa treatment by an employee who is too depressed to go to work.

The physiotherapists at Aix-Les-Bains are unlikely to volunteer to quit because their licenses to knead flesh are valid only at the government-run facility. Apparently, at privately owned spas the workers are required to perform more rigorous tasks, like showing up.

I tried to call my health-care insurer to see if my policy covers free spa treatments, but it turns out it doesn't even cover a call to my health-care insurer.

In an attempt to make free spa vacations appealing to French citizens, the government spent around $78 million in 2000 to build new, modern facilities above the main center at Aix-Les-Bains. What they didn't build was a way to get to the new, modern facilities — there was supposed to be a cable car, but apparently they forgot.

Michael Palmer, head of France's Union of Spa Doctors, is quoted in the article as saying this oversight is "sort of annoying." The new facility is 300 yards away, and people in France don't normally walk that far unless there's a picket line.

There was no rebuttal from the president of the Union of Contractors Who Forget to Build Cable Cars. Perhaps he was too depressed.

Meanwhile, I've decided I need to go to Aix-Les-Bains and look into this whole situation.

I just don't know who's going to pay for it.

To write Bruce Cameron, visit his Website at www.wbrucecameron.com. To find out more about Bruce Cameron and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.

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