Dear Ann Landers: My sister is a dwarf and has been confined to a wheelchair for the past nine years. Since I was a small child, I have hated the ignorance with which she is treated. Even when she was able to walk, people would stare at her, step away and even pull their children back as if she had a contagious disease.

Restaurant servers ignore her or ask me what she wants to eat. When that happens, I say, "Why don't you ask her?" This startles them. They apparently don't think she is able to understand or speak. She has had appointments with physicians who rarely talk to her and direct the conversation to whoever is with her. You would think doctors would be less ignorant, but they are not.

It disgusts me when adults behave in this manner. I can only imagine how it makes my sister feel. Please remind your readers that all people deserve to be treated with respect. — Ignorance Hurts

Dear I.H.: Children need to be taught at an early age how they should behave when they encounter someone who is "different." The first lesson is: "Do not stare. If you have questions, ask me later, and I will explain it to you."

When adults treat a physically challenged person as if he were brain-damaged, speak up and set them straight. If that individual is embarrassed, fine. The lesson will make an even deeper impression.

Dear Ann Landers: My husband and I have been married for 18 years. We have two fine children. Five years ago, my husband had an affair. I was devastated when I learned about it, but I did forgive him. He promised never to see the woman again, and he has kept his word.

Here's the problem, Ann. The woman has kept in close touch with my in-laws for the past five years. My mother-in-law is well aware that this is very upsetting to me, but she continues to be friendly to the would-be home wrecker. Even my husband has asked his mother to stop seeing the woman, but she continues to be chummy. We moved from Florida partly to get away from this unpleasant situation, and believe it or not, this woman had the gall to move to this same small town.

My nerves are completely shot, and I am beginning to develop health problems because of this. Can you help me? — Hurt in Alabama

Dear Alabama: You cannot do anything about that woman, but you can do something about yourself. Get some counseling at once. I've often said, "Nobody can take advantage of you without your permission," and the same goes for "torturing." You must put on an emotional raincoat and let whatever comes your way slide off.

As for your mother-in-law, you have no right to dictate to her whom she should socialize with, so again, dear, put on that raincoat. Meanwhile, your doctor can give you something to settle your nerves.

When planning a wedding, who pays for what? Who stands where? "The Ann Landers Guide for Brides" has all the answers. Send a self-addressed, long, business-sized envelope and a check or money order for $3.75 (this includes postage and handling) to: Brides, c/o Ann Landers, c/o Creators Syndicate, 5777 W. Century Blvd., Suite 700, Los Angeles, CA 90045. To find out more about Ann Landers and read her past columns, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.

ANN LANDERS (R)

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