Dear Ann Landers: My husband and I have been married for 15 years. We have a wonderful marriage and two terrific children. The problem I am writing about involves my husband's brother. He is gay.

"Rick" is a great person and a devoted uncle to our children. Until now, we haven't had a problem with Rick or his live-in companion, "Dennis." Our children think of Dennis as their uncle's friend. The two of them have been together for 20 years. Everything was fine until Rick and Dennis decided to get "married" and asked our 9-year-old daughter to be the flower girl at their wedding.

I am raising my children to believe that marriage is a sacred union between a man and a woman. I do not want my daughter to participate in Rick's wedding. My husband feels the same way. In fact, he doesn't even want to go. So far, the only comment my daughter has made is "I am too old to be a flower girl."

I am not prejudiced against gay people, Ann, but I do not condone that lifestyle, either. Please tell me what to do. — Dilemma in the Dairy State

Dear Dilemma: Gay couples who wish to have a ceremony to celebrate their union should not be asking a 9-year-old to participate. It would be too confusing. A service for those in the inner circle would be OK, but please, no children. Tell your brother-in-law that your daughter will not be participating. (P.S. I agree with her that a 9-year-old is a bit beyond the "flower girl" range.)

Dear Ann Landers: My husband is a wonderful man, 56 years old and highly intelligent.

He had an ingrown toenail that was red and swollen and looked infected. I suggested he soak it in hot water and try to cut as much of the nail as he could.

Well, Ann, I caught him soaking his toe in my good crockpot. I went ballistic. He insisted that a little hot water and soap would clean the pot up just fine and I had no reason to fly off the handle. I threw the contaminated pot in the garbage. The next morning, I discovered he had put the pot back in the cupboard. I took it with me to the office and threw it out there.

Was I wrong, Ann, or am I married to a man with the brain of a flea? — Grossed Out in Stockton, Calif.

Dear Stockton: Sorry, dear, but you threw out a perfectly good piece of crockery that would have been OK after a thorough scouring.

It could be that after seeing your husband's infected foot in the pot, you could not bring yourself to cook in it, but actually, the problem was more in your head than in the pot. Should your husband get another ingrown toenail, ask him to use an aluminum pail instead of a cooking utensil.

And while we're on the subject of toenails, they should be cut straight across. Sorry if I ruined some breakfasts out there, but this information is something you need to know, folks.

When planning a wedding, who pays for what? Who stands where? "The Ann Landers Guide for Brides" has all the answers. Send a self-addressed, long, business-sized envelope and a check or money order for $3.75 (this includes postage and handling) to: Brides, c/o Ann Landers, c/o Creators Syndicate, 5777 W. Century Blvd., Suite 700, Los Angeles, CA 90045. To find out more about Ann Landers and read her past columns, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.

ANN LANDERS (R)

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