Dear Ann Landers: My husband is a letteraholic. He writes to old girlfriends he hasn't seen in years and women he finds in coffee shops. He romances them with his poetry, and sometimes he sends roses. Recently, I caught him pulling feathers from my canary and sending them as sensitive gifts from "Nature Boy."

Last week, I found a letter he hadn't mailed. It was an invitation to "have coffee and get better acquainted." That's the first step. The second step is lunch. Then he tries to get them in bed. He keeps a post office box for some of the women's letters, and others come to our home with no return address. Several times a week, I will pick up the phone, and the caller will hang up. Of course, I know it's one of his lady friends.

I have accepted the fact that my husband never will change and am resigned to a life that includes him chasing women. I just wish these women would give me a break. If they call and I answer, they can ask for my husband, and I will get him, no questions asked. The same goes for those letters without return addresses. Women who slip around with married men should be aware that the wives almost always know what's going on.

So please give us credit for having some sense. We have subscribed to the Ann Landers formula, "Ask yourself, would your life be better with him or without him?" Most of us have decided we would be better off WITH him. — Nameless, Of Course

Dear Nameless: Many women would throw the bum out and suffer financial consequences that can be devastating, especially if there are children. My applause for handling this situation in the way that is best for you.

Dear Ann Landers: Please publish this letter. I would like to send it to a young woman who needs to see it in print. As of now, she has done nothing to indicate that she knows how to behave decently.

My son recently attended the wedding of a friend, who married the woman I'm writing about. Three days after the wedding, the groom told the bride (on their honeymoon) that he didn't love her and he was sorry he didn't have the courage to tell her before the ceremony. They came home and are now getting divorced. Somehow, the bride ended up with all the money (a considerable amount) they received as wedding gifts.

The people who gave the couple money intended to help them start their lives together. I feel that by keeping the money, the woman is being selfish and behaving in a manner that is socially incorrect. That money, along with all the other wedding gifts, should have been returned to the senders. She has no right to benefit financially from this unfortunate incident. What do you think, Ann? — Outraged in New York

Dear New York: I agree with you. I hope the ex-bride sees this column and decides to do the decent thing.

When planning a wedding, who pays for what? Who stands where? "The Ann Landers Guide for Brides" has all the answers. Send a self-addressed, long, business-sized envelope and a check or money order for $3.75 (this includes postage and handling) to: Brides, c/o Ann Landers, c/o Creators Syndicate, 5777 W. Century Blvd., Suite 700, Los Angeles, CA 90045. To find out more about Ann Landers and read her past columns, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.

ANN LANDERS (R)

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