Dear Ann Landers: I am engaged to a wonderful man, who treats me like a queen, is considerate and thoughtful, and has excellent manners. He is hardworking and has been there for me through thick and thin. "John" is 28, and I am 27. We have known each other for three years and have lived together for 11 months.

My father never has given John a chance. Dad says it is because he didn't ask for permission before our first date, which is a mighty lame excuse. I thought Dad would change his mind when John and I became officially engaged seven months ago, but it hasn't happened.

My father is zealous about his religious beliefs and said he will not attend our wedding because John is not "religious enough." Also, Dad looks down on John because he has only a high-school education and I have a college degree. Dad says a woman never should marry beneath herself "educationwise."

Finally, John's job is manual labor; he drives a moving truck. Dad thinks when John gets older and no longer can do that sort of work, he will become dependent on me. The truth is that John makes a lot of money working for an international company, and his retirement plan is far superior to mine.

This situation hurts my mother and me, and it is hard to explain to John. My uncle will be walking me down the aisle. I have cried a bucket of tears over this, and no one has been able to change Dad's mind. Any ideas, Ann? — Woodbridge, Va.

Dear Virginia: Your father is mean-spirited and punitive. His reasoning is faulty, and his values are cockeyed. Ignore his stubbornness, and make plans without him. I fear he is going to pay dearly for his dominating ways and heavy-handedness. Have a wonderful wedding, dear, and be a beautiful, beaming bride.

Dear Ann Landers: I need your advice. I have been friends with "Walt" for seven years. About two years ago, I started to have feelings for him that were definitely more than friendship. Needless to say, he was surprised when I told him.

Walt made it clear that he thinks of me only as a friend. I see him every weekend, and it hurts knowing he never will care for me the way I want him to. What should I do, Ann? — Mary in Canada

Dear Mary: If you are willing to settle for a brother-sister relationship forever, Walt's your man. If you want a romance that leads to marriage, disconnect from Walt, and start dating.

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ANN LANDERS (R)

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