Dear Ann Landers: My boyfriend and I have a beautiful 9-month-old baby. We live together and adore this child. Here's the problem:

My cousin, "Nellie," has a boyfriend who is HIV-positive. I know for a fact that she is having unprotected sex with him. I strongly suspect that Nellie is HIV-positive, but I have no proof, and Nellie never has brought up the subject.

When Nellie came to our house last week, she kissed our baby on his hands and face. The baby then placed his hands in her mouth and then back into his own mouth. I felt extremely uncomfortable about this, especially because the baby is teething and any kind of germ easily could get into the openings in his gums.

I realize it is unlikely, if not impossible to transmit HIV through saliva, but this still makes me uneasy. Nellie doesn't realize we are aware of her sexual behavior because we were told in confidence. I don't know how to approach her about this and am reluctant to have her visit. Is it possible our baby will contract HIV this way? Please help me. I am turning into a nervous wreck. — Upset Mom in Calif.

Dear Upset Mom: It is extremely unlikely that your baby is infected. People don't get HIV from touching the saliva of an HIV-infected person. For your own peace of mind, you should go to the library and read up on the subject or talk to your doctor about this.

As for Nellie, if she is having unprotected sex with an HIV-positive male, she is in grave danger of becoming infected, if it hasn't happened already. Don't WAIT for an opportunity to discuss this; MAKE one, even if it seems a bit awkward. This is no time for social niceties. Tell Nellie to discuss this with a health professional at once. That girl needs help.

Dear Ann Landers: My husband and I divorced last summer. We have a 9-year-old son and a 6-year-old daughter. I bought a house a few miles from my ex-husband, and the children and I have been living there for the past five months.

My daughter slept with me for the first month we were in our new house, until I could afford to buy her a bed. I admit it was nice, and I didn't mind. I like having my children close. The problem is it has been five months, and she still wants to sleep in my bed. I wouldn't mind, but I am afraid it could be damaging to her in some way. I could use some advice, Ann. — Suzi in Houston

Dear Suzi: It is not a good idea for young children to become accustomed to sleeping with an adult parent. Put the child back in her own room, and help her go to sleep there. Divorced parents should not use children as spouse substitutes.

Lonesome? Take charge of your life and turn it around. Write to receive Ann Landers' booklet "How To Make Friends and Stop Being Lonely." Send a self-addressed, long, business-sized envelope and a check or money order for $4.25 (this includes postage and handling) to: Friends, c/o Ann Landers, c/o Creators Syndicate, 5777 W. Century Blvd., Suite 700, Los Angeles, CA 90045. To find out more about Ann Landers and read her past columns, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.

ANN LANDERS (R)

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