Dear Ann Landers: Here's another letter about parents who complain that their grown children are ignoring them. Five years ago, my in-laws retired and moved away. Since then, our phone bill has tripled because my husband calls them once a week. They never call us. We visit them one week a year. The airfare is $750; the rental car is $300; and we must take our in-laws out for dinner — which is another $125. Why don't we visit more often? We can't afford it.

We have given up things just to make ends meet. If we don't visit enough or call enough, please remember that we are on a fixed income, too. We try very hard to stay in touch, but my in-laws make no effort to do the same. They have not been to our home once since they retired.

We would love to see more of his parents, but we just don't have the money. Please tell your senior readers to spend some of that inheritance and visit their children now and then. — Hartford, Conn.

Dear Hartford: Often, age calls for role reversals, and parents have to learn from their children. Please take note, seniors.

Dear Ann Landers: My sister-in-law, "Janice," telephones once or twice a week. When I say, "Hello?" she says, "Is 'Alice' there?" She never says one word to me — no recognition whatsoever.

For 10 years, I have been a wonderful husband to this woman's sister and a loving son-in-law to her mother. My wife has asked Janice nicely to say hello to me, but Janice says she doesn't want to be bothered with "formalities."

Several weeks ago, I sent Janice a card with the following note: "When someone who knows me phones and says neither 'Hello' nor 'How are you?' I feel as though that person is being intentionally insulting. I would consider it a gesture of good will if you would say, 'Hi, Bill, how are you?' I will inform you immediately if Alice is not home or will go get her if she is. Thank you."

Janice responded with a note saying it would make her feel like a phony if she were to change her current behavior to something different. I'm at the end of my rope. I cannot continue to ignore my sister-in-law's insulting behavior. Unless you tell me otherwise, I intend to hang up on her if she doesn't acknowledge me. Kindly give me your opinion of this bizarre situation. — Battered Brother-in-Law in Calif.

Dear Battered: Janice has figured out how to get your goat, and you, like a fool, fall for it every time.

Try a different approach. Next time Janice phones to talk to your wife, say: "This is the butler. Madam Alice is entertaining the queen of Romania. Who should I say is calling?" Unless she is totally without a sense of humor, this should soften her up. Let me know what happens.

Ann Landers' booklet "Nuggets and Doozies" has everything from the outrageously funny to the poignantly insightful. Send a self-addressed, long, business-sized envelope and a check or money order for $5.25 (this includes postage and handling) to: Nuggets, c/o Ann Landers, c/o Creators Syndicate, 5777 W. Century Blvd., Suite 700, Los Angeles, CA 90045. To find out more about Ann Landers and read her past columns, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.

ANN LANDERS (R)

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