Dear Ann Landers: Jack Sprat and I have something in common: Our wives are both too fat. I don't know about Jack, but I haven't had sex with my wife in four years. She gradually has ballooned in size and is now at least 100 pounds overweight. There are no physical reasons for her to be so heavy. It is simply a lack of self-discipline. She loves to eat and denies herself nothing.

I love my wife and would never be unfaithful, but making love to this woman is physically and emotionally impossible. She is very sensitive about her weight and refers to herself jokingly as being "pleasingly plump." Ann, pleasingly plump she is not. She is just plain fat, and her obesity has turned me off to the point that I am impotent. Incidentally, I am an insulin-dependent diabetic, but my sex drive is still strong.

Please tell me, Ann, How do I solve this problem that has made my marriage bed a place where nothing happens? — Jack Sprat II

Dear Jack: The reason for your wife's obesity may be rooted in something deeper than her lack of self-discipline. One hundred pounds of excess baggage could be the result of compulsive eating, but please don't rule out a metabolic problem. I hope you will urge your wife to get a physical checkup. After that, she needs some counseling to find out not what she is eating but what is eating her.

And you, my friend, should discuss with your doctor the reason nothing is happening in your marriage bed. While your wife's additional weight may be a turnoff, your diabetes could be a contributing factor.

Dear Ann Landers: I'm writing this as healing therapy and to ask for your advice. After 17 years, I began seeing a woman I used to date when we were both a lot younger. I traveled 150 miles round trip twice a week to see her and came to realize that I really do care for her a great deal. I also realized I was an absolute fool to let her go 17 years before.

We were intimate on one occasion, and things seemed fine, when all of a sudden, she did a complete turnaround. The invitations for dinner stopped, and I could tell by her voice on the phone that something was wrong.

It has been 18 months since I have seen her. We argued on the phone last spring, mostly out of my frustration about the situation. She told me never to call her again but said she could call me. But no call has come, and I am devastated. I feel she owes me an explanation for cutting me out of her life so I can give this relationship some type of closure.

I miss her very much and don't feel I deserve this kind of treatment. I'm afraid I never will be able to trust another woman again after this. Any suggestions? I am — Hurt and Abandoned in Pa.

Dear Pa.: If you haven't heard from the woman since last spring, I'd say that's a pretty strong signal she did not care for you as much as you thought. As to why the relationship ended, it's of little importance. I suggest you accept the reality of the situation and start to look for another friend.

Lonesome? Take charge of your life and turn it around. Write to receive Ann Landers' booklet "How To Make Friends and Stop Being Lonely." Send a self-addressed, long, business-sized envelope and a check or money order for $4.25 (this includes postage and handling) to: Friends, c/o Ann Landers, c/o Creators Syndicate, 5777 W. Century Blvd., Suite 700, Los Angeles, CA 90045. To find out more about Ann Landers and read her past columns, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.

ANN LANDERS (R)

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