This has been a difficult two weeks for the community where I live. Ann Pressley, a talented young broadcast journalist with such a bright future was brutally assaulted in her home in Little Rock, Ark. Ann's struggle to survive and her untimely death affected me deeply; I feel for her co-workers, for those who love her and for her wonderful family. As a parent and a grandparent, I cannot imagine anything worse than losing a child; the grief of Ann's family must be truly overwhelming — something that seems impossible to ever get over. Whether you knew Ann or not, it is difficult to escape the feelings of grief.

Dr. Elizabeth Kubler Ross, a pioneer in understanding how to deal with death and coping with grief, has provided deep insights into the grieving process. In this wise approach to coping with loss, she describes five phases of grief that occur when anyone suffers from or succumbs to a life-threatening illness.

The first phase is denial. During the illness or in the case of the brutal attack on Ann, disbelief is usually the initial response. "How could this happen?" "It must be a dream." "This can't be possible." After Ann succumbed to this heinous crime, it was impossible to believe that she was gone.

The second phase is anger. In Ann's case, we turn our anger to the evil criminal who committed this crime. For some, we may direct our anger at ourselves for not caring enough or suspecting a problem. We may blame God or others who we believe are in some way responsible for this tragedy. The anger associated with grief is often inward and rarely expressed, making it doubly difficult to manage.

Phase three is bargaining. Facing death, all of us will bargain for an extension on life. We promise anything — from being a better parent to a better friend or living a better life. Bargaining is about offering any solution possible to avoid your grief.

Phase four is depression. This is an inevitable consequence of overwhelming loss. Depression often begins as we become aware of the tragedy and may last for a very long time. Depression is normal, usually bringing feelings of overwhelming sadness. You may cry, lose your appetite, be emotionally labile, suffer from insomnia or feel very lonely. Most of us are able to deal with these and other symptoms of grief without the need for medications, but if necessary it is perfectly appropriate to be treated with an antidepressant. Sedatives to help with sleep should only be prescribed for a short time, as these drugs may make depression worse and delay the ability to deal with grief.

The last phase is acceptance. In dealing with death, acceptance brings understanding and a sense of peace. Many embrace faith, accepting the struggle of grieving and relinquishing fear of the unknown. We may accept our loved one's illnesses during life but will still mourn after death. Acceptance and healing occurs sooner or later as we finally realize the inevitably of death and understand our own mortality. The grief may continue, but with acceptance we are able to move on with our lives. The wounds of loss never heal fully, but the pain becomes more bearable and rather than dwelling on the negative we can remember how blessed we were to have had a loved one in our lives. We remember the joy they brought, the pride we felt in their accomplishments, and how much we loved them.

In dealing with someone who is grieving, we must always offer comfort, support and love. We must allow the grief process to occur and understand that it will never be "all right." When helping someone cope with grief, your role is to give the time and support your loved one needs as he moves to accept an overwhelming loss. To Ann's family, I pray for you and hope that you receive the love and support you need as you navigate this challenging process. I hope that in coping with Ann's passing, we can all come together and learn to cope with grief. By doing so, we will recognize the transient nature of all our lives and learn to accept this.

Dr. David Lipschitz is the author of the book "Breaking the Rules of Aging." To find out more about Dr. David Lipschitz and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com. More information is available at www.drdavidhealth.com.

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