Q: These days, whether we are watching television, talking with neighbors, watching movies or reading magazines, we find ourselves in "Club Pessimist." Why is it that our society appears to have lost hope? How can we get back on track?

A: You are right. I blame our collective sour attitude on the media gatekeepers who seem to believe that bad news sells best. I believe that once let loose, pessimism feeds on itself, that it is self-fulfilling and has its own momentum.

Most people seem to go along with the majority in shaping their outlooks. We need to rethink reality and remind ourselves nothing is perfect. As for me, I miss the can-do spirit I grew up with. During the Great Depression, we had no choice but to roll up our sleeves and solve our own problems.

In today's world people want instant gratification. The trouble is it takes to time to find solutions to our problems. Things like saving for a rainy day should be held up as a good example.

People seem to have lost belief in the virtue off patience. But there is something all of us can do to reverse this trend if only we tried. We could focus on remaining positive, accepting what we have, finding satisfaction in helping others and rolling up our sleeves to get ahead.

Q: Our 33-year-old grandson is divorced, has two teenage children and is considering marriage to a divorcee with a small child. Her income is based on her ex-husband's child care payments. She is a stay-at-home mom. Our grandson loves her and has a successful career. He has asked if we think marriage is a good idea. What is your advice?

A: I'll be honest. It is a crapshoot. In today's stressful world of rising unemployment, war and inflation, the tried-and-true ways are not always successful. Before you come to a conclusion, you might want to offer to pay for financial, religious and compatibility testing for the couple.

Some psychologists and pastors use a questionnaire called the Taylor-Johnson Temperament Analysis Test, which measures and provides an analysis of our compatibility for interpersonal relationships. Because our basic traits become routine and imbedded within us, testing helps reveal potential areas of conflict. It can sometimes tell us things about ourselves we did not know.

There are a host of questions to answer before counseling your grandson on whether to tie the knot. How do your grandson's parents feel about the situation? Given the children's ages, will blending the stepfamilies be comfortable? If they marry, how will the children and their new parents interact? Does the couple want children of their own?

Until these questions are answered, I recommend your grandson and his fiancee take time to get to know each other better. Having a loving partner, sharing positive attitudes, wanting and caring a family, and loving each other is ideal. Attitudes, sexual compatibility, finances, and the way couples choose to solve their differences weigh heavily on crafting a successful and sustainable marriage.

The joy of love, intimacy, and happiness within a family is indisputable. Unraveling differences and sharing beliefs and goals before getting hitched is the winning ticket for a long-lasting partnership.

As American economist Robert Anderson once quipped, "In every marriage more than a week old, there are grounds for divorce, "The trick is to find, and continue to find, grounds for marriage."

To find out more about Doug Mayberry and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

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