Dear Doug from Creators Syndicate

Gently Point Way for Granddaughter to Leave the Nest for 07/14/2008

Mon, 14 Jul 2008 00:00:00 -0700

Q: Our granddaughter is a high school junior, academically bright, and trying to decide which college she should attend. She has asked for our advice to help her choose. We can help with her expenses, but we hesitate to offer her specific advice because we did not attend college. How should we answer her?

A: How lucky you are that your granddaughter includes you in her decision-making! ...

Updated: Mon Jul 14, 2008

Practice Random Acts of Kindness for 07/21/2008

Mon, 21 Jul 2008 00:00:00 -0700

Q: Last week while riding on a train I saw an elderly man drop his cane and then he could not pick it up. An elderly woman across the aisle immediately came to his aid. Afterward, they struck up an animated conversation that continued for the balance of the trip. Had the cane incident not happened they would have never met. Why is it that so many of us choose not to get involved with others?

Updated: Mon Jul 21, 2008

Changes Residences is Fraught With Emotions for 07/28/2008

Mon, 28 Jul 2008 00:00:00 -0700

Q: Our parents are in failing health and want to downsize their home. My brothers and I have persuaded them to move. Their major concern, however, is letting go of their "treasures of a lifetime." We have been waiting nearly a year for them to do so, but they have procrastinated. What can we do?

A: Meet with your brothers and make a plan. Decide who will be in charge of coordin ...

Updated: Mon Jul 28, 2008

Listing the Secrets to 50 Years of Wedded Bliss for 08/04/2008

Mon, 04 Aug 2008 00:00:00 -0700

Q: My loving wife and I will soon celebrate our 50th wedding anniversary. Our grandson and his fiancee, who are getting married prior to our celebration, have invited us to dinner. They are asking us to bring a list of what we believe has made our marriage successful. We have listed our reasons for loving each other: our positive attitudes, good health, and the fondness we share for our familie ...

Updated: Mon Aug 04, 2008

Wisdom Is a Gift Passed From Generation to Generation for 08/11/2008

Mon, 11 Aug 2008 00:00:00 -0700

Q: In an effort to wise me up, my grandfather often chatted with me about his life experiences. I was his oldest grandson and it seemed that he was endeavoring to teach me the importance a positive attitude plays in overcoming obstacles. Now I am facing critical decisions. I feel like I should have paid more attention to his wisdom. I have blown a major career opportunity by putting myself in a ...

Updated: Mon Aug 11, 2008

Retirement is Harder than it Sounds for 08/18/2008

Mon, 18 Aug 2008 00:00:00 -0700

Q. My wife and I retired last year. We lollygag around, gain weight and watch too much television. We are tired from our years of working and raising our family. How can we change our routine?

A. The old joke is true: Retirement is not for sissies!

All kidding aside, retirement becomes a new job and new chapter in our lives. It is a time when most of use will face serious challeng ...

Updated: Mon Aug 18, 2008

It's Time for a Return to the Virtues of Our Fathers for 08/25/2008

Mon, 25 Aug 2008 00:00:00 -0700

Q: These days, whether we are watching television, talking with neighbors, watching movies or reading magazines, we find ourselves in "Club Pessimist." Why is it that our society appears to have lost hope? How can we get back on track?

A: You are right. I blame our collective sour attitude on the media gatekeepers who seem to believe that bad news sells best. I believe that onc ...

Updated: Mon Aug 25, 2008

Forget TV: Give Grandma Some Attention for 09/01/2008

Mon, 01 Sep 2008 00:00:00 -0700

Q: My widowed grandmother will celebrate her 75th birthday next month. We want to show her how much we love and appreciate her, so we are considering buying her a new television. What would you recommend?

A: Well, I can't speak for your grandmother specifically, but many seniors I know aren't looking for material things. What they really want is support and attention from family and frie ...

Updated: Mon Sep 01, 2008

Caretaking: No Need to Go it Alone for 09/08/2008

Mon, 08 Sep 2008 00:00:00 -0700

Q: My husband has lost his mental ability to share our partnership decisions. Together, we have always discussed our future, listened to the other's viewpoint and compromised our differences. Now, I must accept total responsibility. We have no immediate family, and I am worried I will make dumb decisions. Are there organizations I can call upon to help me?

A: Yes. There are many individu ...

Updated: Mon Sep 08, 2008

Mom Has Her Reasons For Sticking With the Grouch for 09/15/2008

Mon, 15 Sep 2008 00:00:00 -0700

Q: Over the years we have watched how our father has treated our mother. He wins the Academy Award as "best all-time negative grouch." Now, in retirement, he is even more ornery. Mom hopes he will change! Do you think he will?

A: Probably not. Unhappy individuals choose to be unhappy to gain control, power and attention. Once their habits become ingrained, rarely do they change ...

Updated: Mon Sep 15, 2008

Beat the Blues by Writing Down Good News for 09/22/2008

Mon, 22 Sep 2008 00:00:00 -0700

Q. Now, after five years of being a widower, I am still considered by my family to be "happy." Recently, I realized I have fallen into the trap of becoming negative. My excuse is to blame it all on the avalanche of negative news. I know this is a turbulent year with natural disasters, war, diving stocks, real estate bankruptcies and rancorous political races. Any ideas?

A. Many ...

Updated: Mon Sep 22, 2008

Beat the Blues by Writing Down Good News for 09/22/2008

Mon, 22 Sep 2008 00:00:00 -0700

Q. Now, after five years of being a widower, I am still considered by my family to be “happy.” Recently, I realized I have fallen into the trap of becoming negative. My excuse is to blame it all on the avalanche of negative news. I know this is a turbulent year with natural disasters, war, diving stocks, real estate bankruptcies and rancorous political races. Any ideas?

A. Many of ...

Updated: Mon Sep 22, 2008

Make the Most of Precious Time for 09/29/2008

Mon, 29 Sep 2008 00:00:00 -0700

Q: My wonderful and loving father, without warning, has become depressed after learning he has an inoperable tumor. He is 73. I am his only daughter and the news has driven me to unstoppable tears and anger. I do not know how to say goodbye. How can I?

A: Everyone jolted by news such as your is thrown off balance. Coping is hard to do, but it is important to keep a stiff upper lip. Grief ...

Updated: Mon Sep 29, 2008

Old-Fashioned Values Are Tried and True for 10/06/2008

Mon, 06 Oct 2008 00:00:00 -0700

Q: As our political leaders and financial gurus are swept away into today's fiscal whirlpools, we find ourselves with them in the storm-tossed waters. We are afraid of drowning. In planning and recalculating our financial futures, we can't envision how we will stay afloat. How can we best survive?

A: Our parents and grandparents made it through tough times like the Great Depression with ...

Updated: Mon Oct 06, 2008

Old Flame Ignites Passion, Fears in Woman Scorned for 10/13/2008

Mon, 13 Oct 2008 00:00:00 -0700

Q: I was married for more than 23 years. To my shock, my husband dumped me without warning for a younger woman. I have moved to an active retirement community and enjoy it. Here, I have rediscovered a widowed resident whom I dated in college. Now, he wants to marry me. Is this a wise idea?

A: Slow down, be patient, and do your homework. In a dream, you are never old. Lonely individuals, ...

Updated: Mon Oct 13, 2008

There Are Many Reasons to Keep a Journal for 10/20/2008

Mon, 20 Oct 2008 00:00:00 -0700

Q. A number of my friends tell me they keep a journal. I really don't know what that is. They believe it serves as a memory bank and keeps them focused. Should I begin one?

A.Yes, especially because as we age we become somewhat forgetful. A journal is not a diary. It is an ongoing written notebook describing your daily thoughts and actions. I use mine to prioritize my plans, organize ide ...

Updated: Mon Oct 20, 2008

Pessimistic Grandson Could Be Working the Crowd for 10/27/2008

Mon, 27 Oct 2008 00:00:00 -0700

Q: Our 27-year-old grandson is an ongoing pessimist. With a lot of pressure from his family, he finally got a college degree. He has been medically checked, still lives at home, and does not do drugs. He has had several jobs, from which he either quit or was fired. He says he lost his jobs because his bosses didn't like him. He shows little ambition, and is rarely happy. How can we help convinc ...

Updated: Mon Oct 27, 2008

Panic Is No Solution in Momentous Times for 11/03/2008

Mon, 03 Nov 2008 00:00:00 -0800

Q. "Panic" is the defining word for what's happening in today's world. Because information and decisions are made almost simultaneously, do we know what is really going on? What are we to do?

A. You are right on the money. Historically, the gatekeepers of information were those who held power, such as kings and the clergy, who were among the learned few who could read and write ...

Updated: Mon Nov 03, 2008

No Need to Get Wrapped Up in Expensive Presents for 11/10/2008

Mon, 10 Nov 2008 00:00:00 -0800

Q: For gifts this year my wife and I cannot be as generous as we have before. We do not want our children and grandchildren to be disappointed, but we need to limit our expenses. Should we alert them now?

A: Yes. No one likes surprises, particularly in our current economic squeeze. Yet our family should understand that your needs come first. Loving family should not have a problem accept ...

Updated: Mon Nov 10, 2008

Dear Doug, November 17 for 11/17/2008

Mon, 17 Nov 2008 00:00:00 -0800

Q: Two years ago, as a widow who loves men, I chose to move into an active retirement community. I believed that it would be the most likely place to find a new husband. So far, I haven’t found one. Am I being realistic?

A: Because statistics show that more than ever second marriages are ending in divorce, many seniors are choosing not to marry but instead to cohabit. Cohabiting offers p ...

Updated: Mon Nov 17, 2008