Q. Now, after five years of being a widower, I am still considered by my family to be "happy." Recently, I realized I have fallen into the trap of becoming negative. My excuse is to blame it all on the avalanche of negative news. I know this is a turbulent year with natural disasters, war, diving stocks, real estate bankruptcies and rancorous political races. Any ideas?

A. Many of us mirror the negative thoughts of others. Bad news gets the most attention and, for that reason, sells. The key to solving your problem is adapting to new attitudes and habits and making adjustments. Every negative event has the possibility of offering a positive result.

One simple suggestion is to write down the things that make you happy each day. Often, I re-read my daily journal. Writing down 27 happy things a week reinforces my belief I need to be my own cheerleader. A surprise phone call from a grandchild, a knock at the door from a neighbor or an invitation to a party are all worth noting.

Obviously, it's not possible to be 100 percent happy but being joyful makes for a better day. Encourage your family and friends to share the idea of journaling their happiness, too. You might not want to always share your thoughts, but can often spill out happiness. Give it a try. It works for me and I believe it will work for you.

Q: I am the oldest of three grown children and, for whatever reason, I am the sibling who gets the most criticism. It's getting on my nerves. Consequently, I prefer to avoid family celebrations so as to avoid subjecting myself to my family and their public criticisms. Am I wrong to avoid my family?

A: To maintain a comfortable and healthy family relationship, you need to find a successful way to relieve these hurt feelings. After all, families are important and there are many good reasons for family members to get along.

When it happens, do you ask why the individual is criticizing you? Or do you simply accept it and suffer?

Frankly, the best approach is to respond in private. Try to stick to the issues. Threats, blaming and lecturing are not problem-solvers. Try to talk it all out because the longer the situation festers the longer it will take to solve, if ever.

Have you ever tried to reason out why it is that the members of your family criticize you? It might be a bad habit and those who criticize you fail to understand how much their words hurt. Because you are the oldest, it could be you are the most respected of the siblings and the others feel as if you set the bar to high for them.

Do you believe all of the criticisms, or just some? If you think a criticism is valid, consider admitting you made a mistake and apologizing. This makes everyone feel better. Whatever you do, its best not to go to war but to respond by saying, "I understand your point, but I believed what I did was right at the time."

Love is a family value we all should share.

Doug Mayberry makes the most of life after work in a Southern California retirement community. Contact him at deardoug@msn.com. To find out more about Doug Mayberry and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

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