Q: My widowed grandmother will celebrate her 75th birthday next month. We want to show her how much we love and appreciate her, so we are considering buying her a new television. What would you recommend?

A: Well, I can't speak for your grandmother specifically, but many seniors I know aren't looking for material things. What they really want is support and attention from family and friends.

While your choice of a new TV is generous, I recommend giving grandma by an unlimited phone plan visiting her regularly. As we age, we tend to become afraid and lonely. So frequent contact with friends and family is soothing.

You can send her flowers, along with stamped and addressed envelopes so she can keep in touch with friends and loved ones free of charge.

Another thing you way you can help grandma is by getting to know her neighbors, and especially their telephone number. That way you will have phone contacts if you are unable to get in touch with your grandmother and become concerned. This will also encourage your grandmother's neighbors to stay keep touch.

Help your mother grandmother to be an independent as possible. She will appreciate that. When you visit, take her for short walks or outings.

Remember how grandma took care of you and the rest of the family. Now it's time for you return the favor. Your love and support are gifts grandmothers never grow tired of.

Q: Our 32-year-old granddaughter continues to waffle about her future. She is unmarried, but often says she would like to marry. The next week she wants to pursue her career and prefers being single. How should we respond to her?

A: I would gently suggest to your granddaughter that she take time to examine the reasons why it is difficult for her to find a committed a relationship. If she is willing to listen, I would suggest she make two lists: one with the reasons ti marry and one with her reasons to remain single. Her lists should honestlty reflect her beliefs and feelings.

There are many questions. Is she happy alone? Does she want to commit her lifetime to a career? Does she want children? Does she enjoy the freedom of being single? How does she feel about her appearance? Are there health issues?

There are other logical reasons for people to be reluctant to form a romantic relationship. Compatibility issues might be a concern. Perhaps she suffers from fear of failure, or her heart's been broken. Remember, there is always risk in forming any relationship

There are plenty of sources, like the library or the Internet, where she can find help making her lists.

The next step is making her No. 1 choice, followed by moving toward that goal. If your granddaughter chooses to pursue Mr. Right, she needs to become involved socially where the men are, such as at sporting events and social clubs.

There's a lot to be said for being in the right place at the right time. Sometimes, even when we are not looking for a relationship, the right person walks up and says, "Hello!"

Until your granddaughter makes up her mind, frustration is natural for all parties involved. However, being positive and pursuing opportunities is more likely to produce results. Winners are people of action. Setting goals, whether professional or personal, and pursuing them is the route most successfully taken.

To find out more about Doug Mayberry and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

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