Q: My husband passed nearly three years ago, and I am considering selling our home and moving. I am 63 and in good health. I have located a community in which a two of my friends have moved and enjoy being there.

Do you think this is a wise choice?

A: Consider your options carefully. For example, a recent academic study suggests that friends, not family, are our strongest keys for living longer because we remain in social interaction. Although families love each other, we are all restricted by the limited time we can share. There is so little time to be together because of dual careers, grandchildren, social activities, handling daily responsibilities, living at a distance, health and other factors. Even to join together for birthdays and holidays can be challenging.

Where you now live, seeing old friends on a regular basis can be easier and more accessible. Making new friends takes time and energy. Friends also help to keep you more independent.

Should you move, who will become your new medical advocates, help you learn where to shop, and familiarize you in the new area? By moving, now in good health and enthusiasm, you can develop friendships. You also have the bonus of existing friends there.

Do you prefer where you now live, or are you seeking a better climate, cheaper housing, and getting rid of major home maintenance responsibilities? Prioritize your pluses and minuses.

Life after 60 as a single means making major decisions becomes your choice. Only you can make those decisions. Embrace your choice with a positive and enthusiastic attitude. This is the winning answer!

Q: Our only granddaughter is 19 years old, one whom we love very much. We have always been close to her. She shares her intimate thoughts, frustrations and frequently asks for our advice. She found the "love of her life" a year ago and they married six months ago. We tried, without success, to encourage her not to marry until she was older and finished her education. Now, she is not happy and wants to move home.

What can we do?

A: Unfortunately, she did not heed your advice, but what is done is done. She has not made a mistake; she has shared an experience. That is the way we learn, simply by doing.

Has she specifically communicated to her husband why she is unhappy? Has she discussed her concerns with her parents? Before marriage, did the couple discuss their expectations? Probably not. Do they realize, as we all learn, our partner is who he is, not who we can change. Seldom do any of us change unless we experience a near-death issue.

Individual circumstances such as finances, health, natural disasters, children and other factors force us to change. One of life's greatest challenges is our ability to process those unknown circumstances successfully. We all need to learn how to cope.

Has the couple considered professional counseling? An objective point of view could prove valuable. You could help by paying for the advice. Free Web checklists and thousands of self-help books are available at libraries.

Experts agree every successful relationship is 80 percent based on a positive attitude. If each partner is 80 percent agreeable to do so, their marriage should hold together. Are your granddaughter and her husband willing to fight for their marriage? If so, it is wake-up time to reconsider why they chose to say, "I do!"

Doug Mayberry lives in a retirement community in Southern California. Send your questions to him at deardoug@msn.com or write to him at P.O. Box 2649, Carlsbad, CA 92018.

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