Q: My wonderful and loving father, without warning, has become depressed after learning he has an inoperable tumor. He is 73. I am his only daughter and the news has driven me to unstoppable tears and anger. I do not know how to say goodbye. How can I?

A: Everyone jolted by news such as your is thrown off balance. Coping is hard to do, but it is important to keep a stiff upper lip. Grief and sadness are reactions to loss. The love you have exchanged and shared cannot be replaced.

Now more than ever you should show your father your love and compassion. Share as much time with him as possible. We often choose denial and not to face our own mortality. Our only choice is acceptance. Our minds swirl with memories of both the good and bad times.

Dad needs positive support and to be allowed to be released for his next journey. He will begin to reflect a kind of inner peace as he disengages. Pure love never dies. Often spirituality helps soften your pain.

Encourage and thank your father in his isolation, loneliness and disengagement. Tell hime how lucky you feel to have been blessed with the best father ever. Allow him to maintain as much control as he can while still being there for him in last days. Hold his hand and give him kisses. Even when he cannot communicate, he will know that you are there.

Ask your father for forgiveness for all the pain you have put him through. Haven't we all done that? This is your time to open your heart to him. We do not always have the opportunity to say goodbye. Sometimes accidents and distances deny us that.

Your experience reminds us all how important it is to communicate to our family and friends. Say, "I LOVE YOU" at every opportunity!

Q: Now, in my 60s, I see myself as matured woman who has missed many opportunities to share my life with others. Because of fear and shyness, I have self-imposed my current loneliness and unhappiness. Is there still time to change?

A: Yes, if you are willing to make the effort. All of us need people whom we enjoy and look forward to seeing. If you open up to others, it is amazing how quickly they will open up to you. For example, on a cruise when you realize you will probably never see your fellow travelers again you tell them your life story, and they tell theirs.

This shows how easy it is to re-energize ourselves and learn new things. It reminds us how much alike we all are. What is the worst that can happen when we say hello to a stranger? Either there is a positive or negative response. Depending on the stranger's response, you move forward. In most cases, it is a go, and you can share experiences.

As we, age we lose friends and family. Disengagement is a mistake. By encouraging new relationships and focusing on the future and taking on a positive attitude, you elect to choose life. Give it a try!

Doug Mayberry makes the most of life after work in a Southern California retirement community. Contact him at deardoug@msn.com. To find out more about Doug Mayberry and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

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