Q: Over the years we have watched how our father has treated our mother. He wins the Academy Award as "best all-time negative grouch." Now, in retirement, he is even more ornery. Mom hopes he will change! Do you think he will?

A: Probably not. Unhappy individuals choose to be unhappy to gain control, power and attention. Once their habits become ingrained, rarely do they change.

Face it, your mother tolerates and needs you dad for her own reasons. She married him, and even now, rather than separation or divorce, she is willing to stay. Sometimes, surprisingly, the things we criticize our partner about are the traits we dislike about ourselves.

There are many reasons couples remain together. Factors such as age, health, wealth, children, attitude, honesty, religion, needs and more all play a role. Some folks simply do not want to make a change.

Everyone, however, wants to be happy. The trouble is there are as many different definitions of happiness as there are different people. Some believe it means coping and accepting life as it comes. Others, who do not achieve the happiness they want, choose unhappiness.

Your family cannot change your dad's attitude. Only he can. Give your mother the love and emotional support she needs. Criticizing him only intensifies the unhappiness. Dad is Dad. Do what your mother has done. Accept him as he is, not who you want him to be. Your mother has done so. Let it be.

Q: My wife and I have lost more than $18.000 in our stock investments this year. Our retirement budget is now malfunctioning! It looks like we might have missed the boat. What are our options?

A: When the horse gets out of the barn it is a challenge to get it back. Rarely have prices been so volatile and unpredictable. Most families who have enjoyed the increase in their home's values in recent years during the real estate bubble, are now unhappy to see their equity eroding.

On Wall Street, there is pain too. Earnings for many corporations have failed to meet predictions and once-respected investment banks like Lehman Bros. and Bear Stearns are dead or on life-support. Behind it all is the specter of serious inflation.

Increasingly, the R-word is being uttered. Some say it will be 18 to 24 months before they can see an economic turnaround. Stockbrokers know customers buy more when they believe the market will go up. But that's not the case today. Yet, even in lean times, there is opportunity. Contrarians who believe in buying bargains sometimes come out winners.

It does no good, but you can find plenty of blame to go around. Overspending, politics, greedy corporate leaders, dishonesty, bankruptcy, inflation, energy prices and the shrinking value of the dollar are obvious scapegoats.

For the short term cut back on your expenses. My banker suggested that if I wanted a thicker wallet to take out all of my credit cards. By holding tight to your cash, if there is a strong market turnaround, you might be able to recover your losses.

Seek a forward-thinking broker who has the proven capability to foresee future growth. For example, could stocks oriented toward nuclear power or water supply reward you?

Remain alert to developing news that might point toward areas of potential growth. On the horizon, after the election, there are possible tax changes and a reevaluation of unsettled international relationships. Now is the time to keep a close eye on the economic storm.

Doug Mayberry makes the most of life after work in a coastal retirement community. Contact him at deardoug@msn.com. To find out more about Doug Mayberry and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

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