Q: Now, after five years being a widower, I am still considered by my family to be "happy." Recently, I realized I have fallen into the trap of becoming negative. My excuse is to blame it all on the avalanche of negative news.

I know it is a turbulent year with natural disasters, war, stocks diving, real estate bankruptcies and politics. Any ideas?

A: Many of us are mirroring others' negative thoughts. Bad news gets the most attention and sells. The major problem is adapting to new attitudes and habits and makes adjustments. Every negative event may offer the possibility of a positive result.

One suggestion is to simply write down three things that made you happy each day. Often, I reread my daily journal. Writing down 21 happy things a week reinforces my belief that I need to be my own cheerleader. A surprise phone call from a grandchild, a knock at the door from a neighbor or an invitation to an anniversary party is worth noting.

Obviously it's not possible to be 100 percent happy, but being joyful makes for a better day. Encourage your family and friends to share the idea of journaling their happiness, too. You may not want to always write your thoughts, but they can often spill out happiness. Give it a try. It works for me, and I believe it will for you.

Q: I am the oldest of three grown children, and for whatever reason I am the sibling who gets the most criticism. It's getting on my nerves, and I prefer not to attend family celebrations and subject myself and family to their public criticisms anymore.

Am I wrong in not wanting to do so?

A: To maintain a comfortable family relationship you need to avoid these hurt feelings. It may well be that you are the most respected of the siblings, simply because you are the oldest may cause jealousy and the one who set the standards too high.

Rethink why you are being hurt by changing your attitude. Families are important and should try to enjoy each other. The criticisms may just be a bad habit on their part, and they do not understand how much they hurt you.

Respond by asking why the individual is criticizing you. Or do you simply accept them and suffer?

Do you believe all of the criticism or just some? When you do, consider admitting you made a mistake and say you are sorry. This makes everyone feel better. It's best not to go to war, but to modify your answer by saying I understand your point, but I believe what I did was right. Is a family member simply having a bad day?

The best approach is to respond in private. Try to stick to the issues. Threats, blaming and lecturing are not problem solvers. Trying to get all out as the situation festers means the longer it will take to solve, if ever. We are all individuals and as families should consider ways to love our families.

Doug Mayberry lives in a retirement community in Southern California. Send your questions to him at deardoug@msn.com or write to him at P.O. Box 2649, Carlsbad, CA 92018.

© Copley News Service

Visit Copley News Service at www.copleynews.com.