Dear Margo: This is a new problem for me, but it may be more common than I realize. I have been in a great relationship for a year and a half. We're both very happy. In fact, my problem is not with him. Before we started dating, I was involved in an on-again, off-again relationship with a manipulative, controlling, possessive man. Although it never got physical, he had every sign of an abuser. When we finally broke up for good, he essentially had another woman lined up and ready to go. (We're talking the next day!) That made the breakup a lot easier to take because it was immediately clear that he hadn't cared for me as much as he had professed. I feel like I dodged a bullet. However, two years later, I'm still looking for his car and trying to glean every little morsel of gossip about him I can find. I don't know where my head is with this mild obsession. My questions: Why am I so interested in what this toxic person is up to after what he put me through and why do I even care? What do I do to cut the strings and forget about him? — Wanting To Feel Apathetic

Dear Want: Your obsessive curiosity about Toxic Person is somewhat "normal" in situations such as yours. This is the same dynamic that caused you to first fall for such a lout and then stay with him. Time will dim your interest in him. A little mind trick you might try when you find yourself looking for his car or ferreting around for information about him is to make yourself review all the ratty things he did to you and how lucky you are to have escaped. You are by no means the only woman to have fallen into the Bad Boy trap. — Margo, disconnectedly

OK, Your Dog Died. So?

Dear Margo: I'm at a loss as to how to deal with my husband's behavior. He's never been an animal person, and I get that, so when our family pet suddenly died I knew he wouldn't mourn much. What shocked me was his blatant disregard for my grief. I flat-out told him I needed some comfort, I'm in tears, and he said, "I'm not in a comforting mood." Basically, he left me alone to deal with the vet, the remains and the children. I tried writing him a letter saying that I know he does not understand my grief, but as my husband I expect him to be there when I need him. He ignored my letter and appears to think that if he ignores this it will go away. Is there any hope or any way that he'll see that while we won't always agree on something, sometimes I'm going to need his support anyway? Or should I just find another support system? — Still Quite Sad

Dear Still: It is one thing to be indifferent to animals, but quite another to be unresponsive to a person you care about ... especially if it's your wife. Making an effort to comfort you should not have been determined by how he ranked the importance of your sorrow, but by the fact that you needed his solace. It would seem that this man is missing the compassion gene, and I don't really know how you can remedy this. I'm assuming he has some good qualities, so I would recommend that you acknowledge that he is brain dead in the emotional support department and, as you mentioned, find another support system. — Margo, regretfully

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Dear Margo is written by Margo Howard, Ann Landers' daughter. All letters must be sent via e-mail to dearmargo@creators.com. Due to a high volume of e-mail, not all letters will be answered.

COPYRIGHT 2008 MARGO HOWARD

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