In 1988, Gary Larson drew a The Far Side cartoon depicting husband, wife and their very large dog greeting another couple at their front door. The caption read: "Hey! Jack and Paula! You made it! … Now, quickly: Keep one hand across your throat and put the other one confidently down on Bruno's head — stupid dog's going to get Agnes and me into a giant lawsuit one day."

What came first: the cartoon or the epidemic?

This week I received a request to help a 2-year-old Shih Tzu named Verdell.

"From the time Verdell turned 1 year old, he began to act very agitated whenever he heard anyone approach the front door. When a stranger entered the house, he would run away and hide. After a few months, he stopped hiding and instead barked, growled and turned aggressive toward anyone other than the family. This has escalated to biting anyone who comes into our house.

"I hired a trainer when this problem began, but I became very frustrated because her solution was to constantly distract him from aggression with treats. This worked for a few minutes, but after eating 5 or 6 treats, he lost interest in them and went right back to full aggression mode.

"I am now truly desperate. He has bitten over a dozen different people in our home, and although he is a small dog and won't cause severe injuries, this behavior is absolutely unacceptable…"

I spoke with this woman about her dog and asked all the obvious questions: Why do you keep inviting people to your home? And why, when you do, don't you keep Verdell alone in a room away from your guests? He, like Larson's dog, should not be greeting anyone at the door.

What it boiled down to — what it always boils down to — is she didn't want to feel like a failure. More than 12 victims in, she still couldn't accept that Verdell is a biter. People are more willing to admit behavioral problems with their children than with their dogs.

Another woman called this week to discuss options for her 1-year-old show dog. He had been disqualified from his last competition for lunging at the judge. During the conversation she mentioned that she has three kids at home, ages 3, 7 and 9. I told her I didn't think that was the right dog for a family with small children. We hung up, and five minutes later my phone rang:

"Uncle Matty?" boomed a man's voice.

"Yes…"

"You upset my wife. Sure, the dog lunged. But the judge had a funny look!"

Add that to the ever-growing list of excuses: He rarely breaks the skin. He only bites on Thursdays. He didn't really mean it.

Blinded by love for their dog and crippled by their own egos, this couple showed no more concern for the well-being of their children than the other couple did for the safety of their houseguests.

For some households, "put one hand across your throat, the other confidently down on Bruno's head — and cross your fingers you don't end up embroiled in a lawsuit" is standard operating procedure. And I bet Larson stayed far away from them.

Woof!

Dog trainer Matthew "Uncle Matty" Margolis is co-author of 18 books about dogs, a behaviorist, a popular radio and television guest, and host of the PBS series "WOOF! It's a Dog's Life!" Read all of Uncle Matty's columns at the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com, and visit him at www.unclematty.com. Send your questions to dearuncle.gazette@unclematty.com or by mail to Uncle Matty at P.O. Box 3300, Diamond Springs, CA 95619.

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