Dear John: How do I get my wife to quit assuming she knows how I feel and think? If I sigh, she assumes I'm upset with her. When I tell her I'm not, she insists I tell her the truth. Of course, then I do get upset with her. Believe it or not, she does this for everything I say or do. I can't even clear my throat without her thinking something is wrong! How do I break her of this habit? -- Not Married to a Mind Reader in Phoenix

Dear Not Married to a Mind Reader: For some reason, you or someone else in her past has conditioned her to "read" certain gestures as a negative indication of her behavior. The next time this happens, don't get angry with her. Instead, reassure her that everything is fine with you. Then an hour or so later, ask her if you can have an open discussion of how you wish to indicate to her any future concerns you might have. This indication might be a phrase such as, "Honey, at your earliest convenience, we have something to discuss." Ask her to give you the same courtesy. In this manner, no word, gesture or tone can ever be misconstrued. Any emotional sleight-of-hand can be played because all cards will be on the table for everyone to see.

Dear John: My husband and I have two small boys, ages 6 and 4. We never seem to have time for ourselves alone. It's gotten so bad, I'm afraid our marriage is suffering. The older boy shows up in our bed almost every night at 2 a.m. The younger one stays put, but neither makes it to bed earlier than 9 or 9:30 p.m. We're really in a tough place. What can I do? -- Always Tired, Never Alone, in Portland, Ore.

Dear Always Tired: Remember, you are the parent and they are the children. As such, you can set bedtimes that are more in line with their ages and metabolic needs.

I suggest you set a bedtime of 8 p.m. and stick with it. You do this by being firm when that time rolls around, saying: "Boys, it's bedtime. Let's read a story in bed, then lights out." Even if your children complain or cry, hold firm in your stance as to when they go to bed. In this manner, it will allow the two of you a few extra hours of "together time," without the children.

Communal beds in the nuclear family is an ancient custom and still quite common in many cultures. If this does not appeal to you, when the oldest child comes in, pick him up and carry him into his own room. Ask him to stay there, then kiss him good night. If he cries or returns, do the same thing again and again, as long as it takes. It's not easy and it may continue for a few nights, but soon he will get the message and stay put, and you can enjoy a full night's sleep.

"Date Night"

The last time she went out? More than likely it was to dinner. According to 2,143 women, 44 percent ate a hearty meal and another 23 percent opted for a film. Meanwhile, 6 percent attended some special event and the final 4 percent let their man take them to a ball game. Unfortunately, the final 23 percent said it has been a while since they've had a date night.

Full results are shown below. To take part in this week's Mars Venus/Redbook poll, log on to: www.redbookmag.com.

What was your last date?

Dinner out.             44 percent

A movie.            23 percent

A special event.         6 percent

A ballgame.            4 percent

It's been a while.         23 percent

Total:                 2,143

NOTE: Because poll percentages are rounded, total values may not work out to 100 percent. Poll results are not scientific and reflect only the opinions of those users who choose to participate.

John Gray is the author of "Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus." If you have a question, write to John in care of this newspaper or by e-mail at: www.marsvenus.com. All questions are kept anonymous and will be paraphrased. To find out more about John Gray and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.
COPYRIGHT 2008 JOHN GRAY'S MARS VENUS ADVICE
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