Dear John: I have fallen in love with a beautiful, intelligent woman. "Maryann" wants us to marry. She has a sweet little girl, and I think we could all be happy together. However, I am suffering from terrible doubts because her situation causes her to desperately need to marry.

She is poor, from another country and without the possibility of a decent life. My fear is that I will bring them here and she will seek a divorce after a year or two — despite my best intentions and efforts. The emotional heartbreak of being used would be worse than the lifetime of support I would have to give them even after the divorce. Since no one can predict the future, how can anyone know if it's the real thing? And what can I do to protect myself? A prenuptial agreement? Should I take the risk? — Doubting Thomas, in Memphis, Tenn.

Dear Doubting Thomas: I suggest you take at least another six months in getting to know her better. Marriage, to anyone, should only occur if both you and your partner are ready to make an honest, open commitment to it.

Your questions arise from doubts you are having as to her veracity. Your doubts may also come from your own past experiences. In either regard, take the time you need to ensure that this union stands the test of time and place. If it would make you feel more comfortable, talk to a family attorney about a prenup. You can also contact the Institute for Divorce Financial Analysts to meet with a certified financial manager who can help you understand how a prenup works. Better safe than sorry.

Dear John: My new girlfriend expects me to pay for everything when we go out, every single time. I really don't have the money to do that, and she really does make good money in her own right. Is there a subtle way to get her to pay every once in a while, or would that be rude? — Fair is Fair, in San Rafael, Calif.

Dear Fair is Fair: If you've been dating for over two months, I think you are at the point where you can say to her that expenses are tight for you right now and extravagant dates will be few and far between, but you'd love to spend time with her in other ways. Perhaps you can cook a meal for her. Maybe she will be gracious enough to suggest she cook a meal for you.

Should she be so callous as to only consider dates in which money is spent, your appeal won't hold to her that much longer, anyway. Nor do I think she will remain appealing to you. Good relationships are a give and take. You've given plenty. It's her turn now.

John Gray is the author of "Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus." If you have a question, write to John in care of this newspaper or by e-mail at: www.marsvenus.com. All questions are kept anonymous and will be paraphrased. To find out more about John Gray and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

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