Dear John: My husband and I love to hit the road. However, my current employer is not flexible in the least bit with my schedule. For example, I often work overtime, and I never get two consecutive days off. My husband's schedule, however, is quite flexible, and allows him to take time off whenever he likes. He enjoys out-of-town fishing trips several times a year. I'm often invited, but the bottom line is, I can't go. He thinks I'm jealous, I know I'm just frustrated. While I like him to have these junkets, it, in fact, hurts me to see him take the time off and go out of town without me. I wish I could change my current situation, but it's not that easy. As a result, I end up in tears and we both end up hurt by each other. Am I being irrational? — Wage Slave, in Pensacola, Fla.

Dear Wage Slave: Your frustration is obvious, and justified. However, if you want to get your point across to your husband, then when he mentions an upcoming getaway, your voice and manner should indicate that you hope he has a great time. Second, when you are with him, show him in both actions and words that you appreciate this special time together. Take into consideration all the things that make a relationship special: shared intimacy, new experiences, mutual goal sharing and time for relaxation. Plan special moments that will be treasured for weeks, months — and years — to come.

Third and finally, if your goal is to be more accessible to your husband during his playtime, there is no better time than now to put your professional goals and options in perspective as they pertain to your personal needs. Try asking your employer to consider a four-day workweek, or some other compromise that gives you the time to accomplish your job functions and leaves you more personal time. If your boss recognizes your value to his organization, he may accommodate you. If not, and you don't want to tether your life to a work situation that makes you unhappy, look around for a position that gives you what you want: professional accomplishment and a schedule that works for you.

Dear John: Like many men, my boyfriend, Brad, will gawk at a beautiful woman when she walks by. Like most women, I'm curious as to what is on his mind and other men's minds when they turn and stare. Do they desire that woman passing by? Or, are they just "admiring" her? Brad has tried to explain this to me, but like a lot of woman, I just can't understand this dynamic. Needless to say, I'm not okay about it. It leaves me with a feeling that "I'm not gorgeous enough." Can you shed some more light on this? — Insecure, in Kansas City, Mo.

Dear Insecure: I always advise men to look, not drool. Not only is it rude to overindulge on this pastime, it needlessly hurts the one you are with. No woman responds well to a gawk — least of all, the woman who is already by your side.

As to what men are thinking at that time, that depends on the man, and the age of the man doing the looking. Sometimes it is nothing more than appreciation. At other times, it is sheer lust. Most men realize that these drive-by fantasies are not reality. Reality is the day-to-day commitment, respect and random acts of love that one gives and receives from a loved one. The partners of these men aren't ruffled by a wayward glance, because they find security in the love that they've already received. If you need more reassurance, ask for it. You deserve it, and because he wants you to be happy, he will gladly accommodate you.

John Gray is the author of "Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus." If you have a question, write to John in care of this newspaper or by e-mail at: www.marsvenus.com. All questions are kept anonymous and will be paraphrased. To find out more about John Gray and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

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