Dear John: I just read your article about men and their "caves." While I understand that there are times when a man needs to be alone and think, I have a problem when the thinking period is what I consider too long. What I mean is, with our last little tiff, my man retreated — for five days! For five days, he did not call, e-mail, or see me. The issue was not even significant. He was upset because he thought I was mad at him, and he thought I was wrong. Don't you think there should be a limit on how long a man retreats to his cave? — It's Cold Outside, in Miami, Fla.

Dear It's Cold Outside: There is no set amount of time that someone may take to sort out his or her thoughts. It is different for every person, and in every situation. So that you can move your partner toward resolution in a timely manner during your next disagreement, consider how you can make your point differently. For example, don't approach the issue from a place of anger, blame, hurt or accusation. Instead, let him know that his opinion is appreciated and respected, and also let him know that you also appreciate his listening to your opinion as well.

Not every situation will end happily, and inevitably, for whatever reason, there will be other trips to the cave. When he is there, don't just wait for him. Keep yourself busy, with friends, with family, with the things you do to make yourself happy. That way, when he's ready to come out, you too will have had an opportunity to think more clearly on the issue at hand and move beyond those things that keep us apart.

Dear John: I have been involved with "Barry" for over a year. He is considerate in ways that are important to me. However, I don't feel that he's always been honest. For example, recently, Barry called and said that he was at work in one town, when the telephone Caller ID clearly showed that he was a different town. He emphatically stated that he was working in the first town, so I called an operator who also verified the call's location, and it was NOT from the town he claimed. I have tried to ask him to be honest with me and that I will not be upset with him, yet he sticks to his story. Should I believe him although my gut feeling tells me not to? Could this be a sign that I may be facing similar issues in the future, if I decide to stay? — Miss DisTrust, in Marietta, Ga.

Dear Miss DisTrust: I would never tell someone to ignore a gut feeling. Those messages are rooted in other incidences, however slight they were. Yet, you use the terms "respectful" and "considerate" when describing him, and you say that this is the first time that he may have been telling a lie. Sometimes people look for reasons to pull back from a relationship if they are not yet ready for an emotional commitment. My suggestion: Give him the benefit of the doubt until the next "incident." If in the meantime, if his actions meet your comfort zone, hopefully you'll be able to forgive him this one indiscretion and, together, move into a bond of trust