Dear John: My husband, "Elliott," is 40, and recently decided to go back to college. The campus has a nice gym, and every evening he spends a couple of hours in there. Tonight I went to meet him so that we could go out to dinner when he was finished. When I got there, I found him with a young female student. He was helping her workout, but they seemed to be too close for my comfort. In fact, when he put his hands on her, she nuzzled him. I walked away before he saw me. Later that evening, when I told him what I had witnessed and expressed my hurt and anger, he got mad at me and claimed I was overreacting. I think a married man with his body intertwined with someone who isn't his wife is going too far. What's your opinion? — Shocked and Hurt, in Boston

Dear Shocked and Hurt: You had every right to question what you saw. In that regard, I'd say he has pushed the envelope in out-of-bounds behavior. If he thinks he has you believing that he's not a hurtful flirt, he's in way over his head. Give him that message, along with a clear understanding of what he has to lose if these shenanigans continue: you and the life you've built together.

Dear John: I'm a 16-year-old girl. I'm really good friends with "Jake," who is also 16. We've known each other for about two months now. We like each other, and we talk every night on the phone. Jake lives in another state and we never get to see each other. One night when we were talking, he told me that he loves me. It took me about a week after that to tell him that I love him, too. How do I know if my feelings toward him are true? I know he didn't tell me that he loves me to try and get something from me because we never see each other, but how do I know that he means it? Can we have fallen in love at this age, or is it not at all possible, like my mom tells me? — The Real Thing, in Colorado Springs, Colo.

Dear Real Thing: Love is possible at almost any age. However, few people have found that an early relationship will stand the test of time. Why? Love is constantly being tested in a variety of situations. For example, we may find out that our interests differ too greatly. Or, one partner may be too possessive of the other's friendships. Or, we may over time be attracted to others.

In your letter, you describe him as a "good friend" and mention that you "like" each other. You're indicating your true feelings: you like him as a friend and are leaving the door open for the friendship to grow closer. Leave it at that for now.

John Gray is the author of "Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus." If you have a question, write to John in care of this newspaper or by e-mail at: www.marsvenus.com. All questions are kept anonymous and will be paraphrased. To find out more about John Gray and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

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