Dear John: In the past, whenever my wife and I fought, we'd have great sex afterward. Lately, however, that's not been the case. Now, not only does she not care to have sex afterward, she also acts as if she couldn't care less if we resolve our problems. I really care about her and I want this to work. — Different Tactic Needed in Jacksonville, Fla.

Dear Different Tactic: You've fallen into a pattern of "makeup sex." This can be great in the beginning, but eventually women lose interest because they get tired of re-examining their trust issues in the relationship — and trust is what women need in order to stay turned on by their partner. You need to ask yourself: Are you picking fights in order to have great sex? If so, you have yet to learn that the best sex is created in a loving, trusting, respectful relationship — not from feeling the relief that, once again, you two are back "on." If you don't want to lose her, now is the time to rebuild your relationship by demonstrating your desire to be worthy of her trust.

Dear John: I made friends with a guy over the Internet. We fell in love despite that fact that we are both married with families and we care for our spouses and kids. We then realized how our relationship might hurt our marriages, so we decided to remain "just friends." Our e-mail correspondence is now just friendly, and I can no longer gauge whether his feelings are still the same or not. When I tell him we are like brother and sister, he says that is not the case, yet things aren't the same as before. How do I know if he still loves me? — He's the Real Thing in Ft. Wayne Ind.

Dear Real Thing: If you really care what this relationship can do to the future of your family, you should be less interested in reading between the lines of his e-mails, and more interested in renewing the passion in your own marriage. Over the next four weeks, instead of being online, devote that time to finding out more about your husband's needs, desires and goals. You can do this each evening by taking a walk and asking him the same questions you'd ask your e-pal. Better yet, each day write your husband a note — or e-mail — from your heart. It may open up a whole new line of communication with the man you need most in your life, and in time you may find that you won't need your cyber-connection.

John Gray is the author of "Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus." If you have a question, write to John in care of this newspaper or by e-mail at: www.marsvenus.com. All questions are kept anonymous and will be paraphrased. To find out more about John Gray and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

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