Dear John: I'm in my 60s, and a bit old fashioned. Lately I've been keeping company with a very sweet man. He happily pays the bill whenever we go out. Sometimes I felt guilty because I'd like to share the expenses. Is it a good idea to bring the topic up? I feel it may ruin the attraction at this early stage, but am not sure if he may think I am stingy or greedy. I'd appreciate any advice from you. — Always a Lady, in Walnut Creek, Calif

Dear Always a Lady: To most men paying a bill, opening a car door, being especially attentive to your needs is part of the dating ritual.

It's wonderful to express your appreciation but understand that he wants to show you that he can provide for you by doing all these things. You might say it's a man's way of nurturing. Rather than offering to pay for the meal or the movie tickets, offer to make him a dinner at home or surprise him with a little gift and let him know that it is in appreciation for all the kindness that he has shown you. It sounds like you have a nice guy who wants to court you. Appreciate that and let him know that you do.

Dear John: You recently had a letter in your column regarding a seventy- something man who had lost his wife. He wrote about his loneliness. Perhaps you could encourage him to check into the senior center in his area. There, he can certainly find many people there who are willing to be his friend, but it's the type of environment in which he can take this step as slowly has he wants. And while he can find a lot of interesting things to do there, he can also go to just sit and read the paper with people around him.

I lost my soul mate fifteen years ago, and have just recently stopped grieving. No, I haven't stopped loving him. That will go on forever. But now, I see how beautiful the sunrises and sunsets are, and I have a lot of fun going to the senior center, where there is a lot of support for me, from both men and women. -- The Next Best Thing

Dear Next Best Thing: You are right. There is a world of love and support out there. Sometimes life calls on us to see beyond our pain and to reach out to the next horizon in our life journey. I hope that everyone who has lost a soul mate will in time find the peace and understanding that you have found. Thanks for that wise advice.

John Gray is the author of "Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus." If you have a question, write to John in care of this newspaper or by e-mail at: www.marsvenus.com. All questions are kept anonymous and will be paraphrased. To find out more about John Gray and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.
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