Dear John: My fiance, "Brad," and I are 21, and have been together for two years. Recently, he moved into our house, living along with me, my mother, her boyfriend, "George" and my 17-year-old brother.

Recently Mom said that George wanted us to move out, that he doesn't want to support Brad. It's true that Brad is having financial problems. He just got laid off. But we pay for our food, and offer to buy groceries for the rest of the family, too. Now I'm wondering if George really did say this, or if Mom actually feels uncomfortable with Brad and I living together. I see a double standard here. What's OK for Mom is not OK for me? What should I do? — Crowded, but Cozy, in Houston, Texas

Dear Crowded, but Cozy: You're right. If that is the way she feels, it may indeed be a double standard. But the bottom line is that the house belongs to your mother, so the decision as to who lives there, and under what terms, is rightfully hers to make.

Obviously, Brad has good intentions, or he would not have offered to pay some of the expenses. Sometimes money offers have more credence when put in writing. Suggest to him that he write your mother a letter explaining his circumstances, and include an amount which he can contribute each week toward the expenses. This may reduce her concerns. If not, and Brad wants to keep on good terms with her, he should move out soon. This may be harder on both of you financially, but if he can make it work, his new autonomy may be a welcomed change for both of you.

Dear John: If you find someone that you're attracted to and want to love, is it most likely that you can create a love between you by just working at it? Or, is it more a matter of finding that one-and-only right person who has just the right magic? I am a 38-year-old guy, very curious as to how you'll answer this. — Vested Interest, in Atlanta, Ga.

Dear Vested Interest: Unfortunately, love is not quite like a stew: If we don't like the taste at first, we cannot keep throwing in other ingredients until it is to our liking. Why? Because what suits your taste and needs may not work for your partner. While attraction, and what you poetically call "magic," is the spark that ignites the future of any loving relationship, the relationship either flourishes or quickly perishes as we better discern our needs and our partners' abilities to provide for them. No amount of obsession on one partner's side can sustain it. This attraction must be maintained by both partners beyond the initial meeting in order to grow.