Dear John: I am a 34-year-old woman. I was at a very low point in my life when I started dating a married man. I knew it was wrong, but he helped me get over some hard times. Now it's been almost a year, and we've just stopped seeing each other. Of course, if I let him, he would still come around. I am finding it hard to refuse his requests to see me. I know, however, that I owe myself a better relationship. What can I do to stay strong? — His Mistress, in Ft. Wayne, Ind.

Dear Mistress: The best cure that I know for the got-to-get-over-him blues is to get back in the social circuit. Translate your wise decision to end this relationship into resolve, and turn that resolve into action. Go out just for the sake of socializing: parties, luncheons, group activities, social clubs and perhaps most of all seek the comfort of friends and family. Now I know that not all of that is always available, but at least some of those alternatives are. The way we leave the past is to turn around and face our future.

Dear John: I have been dating "Kevin" for three months now. I am 40 and he is 46, and currently separated from his second wife in a marriage that lasted 12 years, whereas I am divorced from my first husband. We were married for eight years. Kevin and I were discussing the reasons for our failed marriages the other night, and we found out that we have two completely opposite views of "love" and being "in love." I said that I still loved my husband, will always "love" him, but was never "in love" with him. In my mind, falling "in love" comes first. And if you aren't "in love" with someone, it can never develop into being "in love." On the other hand, Kevin feels that "loving" someone comes first and that as the relationship develops, you grow to become "in love" with your partner. As for us, Kevin told me he loved me three weeks from the day we met. I did not respond. I know I'm not "in love" with him according to my definition. Who is correct? Or can you give us a well-defined answer to the difference between "love" and "in love." — Those Three Little Words, in Memphis, Tenn.

Dear Those Three Little Words: There are in fact many kinds of love, because love is complicated and affects many layers of emotions. As we grow to know, trust and be committed to each other, our love ebbs and flows. That is why you can love someone without being "in love" with them, or you can move out of being in love, but still love him or her.

Neither of you is wrong in how you interpret the meaning of love. In this case, it's not how he says it, but what he is saying that counts, and he is telling you that he realizes he is committed to you. Love, by any definition, is sweet. My advice: Don't mince words. If you feel this way too, then acknowledge and appreciate his commitment with your own.