Dear John: I am 41 years old, and I have been a widow for six years now. My husband committed suicide. I have been dating a man for about a year, but the relationship is not going well. I often become very angry and emotional. I feel as though my past is affecting my present relationships. Do you have any advice as to how I might move on and how I can explain my behavior to my current boyfriend without sounding crazy? — Still Hurting, in Savannah, Ga.

Dear Still Hurting: The U.S. National Institute of Mental Health, statistics show that suicide is the ninth leading cause of death in the United States, and perhaps most tragically is the third leading cause of death among young people between the ages of 15 to 24.

Your anger — at the deceased, or at yourself — regarding the reasons for your husband's demise is being misdirected at yourself or others whom attempt to love you. In reality, his death was out of your control. Unless you can come to terms with this, it will continue to affect current and new relationships.

In any event, I strongly advise you to consider grief counseling. One online resource is the Grief Counseling Directory: http:// www.griefcounselingdirectory.com/. Facilities are listed state by state. Please get help as soon as possible. You deserve to take advantage of every opportunity that allows you to get on with the rest of your life.

Dear John: I don't get together with a lot of women because I'm very hairy. However, I can't afford the laser treatments. I am a respectful and down-to-earth guy, but this seems to be a turnoff to women. Any suggestions? — Neanderthal, in Detroit, Mich.

Dear Neanderthal: Your real issue is not body hair. It's self-esteem. Believe me, the right girl would like you whether you were hairy or not. You're a great guy. You demonstrate this by your deeds, actions and attitude toward yourself and others. The issue as to whether hairy men are considered sexy changes constantly in society's eyes. Back when Sean Connery was 007, hairy torsos were in. Lately, the trend favored men with little or no hair. That said it's still your smile, your laugh and your great sense of humor that will make her notice you.

John Gray is the author of "Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus." If you have a question, write to John in care of this newspaper or by e-mail at: www.marsvenus.com. All questions are kept anonymous and will be paraphrased. To find out more about John Gray and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

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