Dear John: Before "James" and I had our two beautiful kids, we both worked, we went out together, helped each other with the chores and we were truly passionate with each other. Now, however, I have taken on 98 percent of the parenting, doctoring, chauffeuring, the cooking, cleaning, gardening and homework monitoring. I also cook for my in-laws once a week. Oh yeah, I also work at home. Needless to say, my social life is whatever the children happen to be doing. Maybe we go out once or twice a year. I've given up wearing makeup, and I have become a homebody. He works and pays the bills, and he thinks I'm the worst person in the world if I am not in the mood for sex (which I now force myself to do once a week). I love my husband and I treasure my children. I have a beautiful home, yet I'm only 1/100th of the woman I was when I met him. How can I get a little piece of me back? — Rewinding My Life, in Raleigh, N.C.

Dear Rewinding: You should be to live the life you really want. Blaming others for your life is a cop out.

The first thing you need to do is to realize that no one is holding you back from doing this, except you. Once you accept responsibility for the life you are living, you can create the change you seek.

Turning your life around begins by prioritizing your needs. From what you've written, it sounds as if your priority list should include more passion in your marriage, shared home responsibilities and frequent dates and getaways with your husband. Don't forget to include more time for manicures, massages, gym time, or time to clear your head with something as simple as taking a half-hour walk each day.

No one can put these things in your life but you. You may say, "I talked to my husband about these things, but he won't cooperate." My response is that you don't have to ask anyone's permission to do these things; just schedule what you know you need, and others — including your husband — need to accommodate you. After all, your loved ones just want you to be happy. If you look and feel good about yourself, believe me, everyone in your life will share in your happiness.

Dear John: I did something I should not have done: I dated a friend's son. "Paul" is 31, and he's getting a divorce. I'm 42, and I've been divorced for 10 years. I found out that he has been seeing someone else, too. I understand he is getting his life back, but I feel he should have told me about it. Instead, I heard it from my friend: his mom. I told Paul he needs to decide what he wants, and then he can let me know. This other woman lives several towns away. I know him well enough to know he will tire of the commute. I still have strong feelings for him, and I want him to stay my friend. How should I handle this? — Cougar in Love, in Atlanta, Ga.

Dear Cougar in Love: You're right to think that Paul should have been a big enough boy to tell you that he wanted to cool it for now. He's not in grade school, and you're not his teacher. Mom's conferences with you on Paul's behalf are totally inappropriate.

Many men rebounding from a divorce act like kids in a candy shop around the opposite sex. If you think you can keep things "just friends" between you, then do so. On the other hand, if you're ready for a committed relationship, you need to realize that, at this point in his life, Paul is not the right guy for you, so keep looking.

John Gray is the author of "Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus." If you have a question, write to John in care of this newspaper or by e-mail at: www.marsvenus.com. All questions are kept anonymous and will be paraphrased. To find out more about John Gray and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

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