Dear John: My husband and I have a good relationship, but just one problem concerns me: He uses a lot of pot, usually when he goes out with his friends. Once at a party, he used ecstasy. Whenever I warn him that it may cause an addiction, he tells me that he is careful, that he is not addicted and that I don't need to be worried. He says he only uses it for fun.

I'm so angry that I've told him that if he does not stop his drug use, I will divorce him. I also forbade him to go out with his friends. Whenever he goes out with them, we quarrel because I think he might be using drugs. I've already caught him several times. Any suggestions? — Concerned Wife in Pittsburgh, Pa.

Dear Concerned Wife: Although he does not want to admit it to himself or to you, your husband, in fact, already has a substance abuse problem. Of course, this can lead to long-term health issues. Few regular drug users think that they have a problem, and the idea that they can stop whenever they please is an illusion that most of them wish to believe.

You have asked that he stop, and you've told him that the consequence is losing you if he does not. Ask him to get counseling for his problem. One suggestion: He should consider Marijuana Anonymous at http://www.marijuana-anonymous.org.

If he refuses, your choice is to follow through with your commitment to leave. If you do, it may encourage him to seek help so that he can save his marriage. This is a tough choice. After all, drug addiction does not simply go away like a bad cold. He is going to need some type of professional help to get past this problem. Without that, it is most likely that the situation will not change and both your marriage and his health will be in peril. Ask him to act now. If he won’t, then do what is right for you —even if it does not include him.

Dear John: My current boyfriend can't seem to get my name right when he e-mails me. He will go from writing "Terri" — my true name — to "Terry." I have brought this to his attention several times. This weekend he even joked about it with one of my closest friends, yet he spelled my name wrong again this morning. This really concerns me! Am I making too big a deal of it? How seriously can I take him if he does this, even when he expresses real affection for me? — Terri with an "i", in Bozeman, Mont.

Dear Terri: Of course this is a very important issue for you. People who love us remember things that are important to us. If he can't remember how to spell your name, there is little hope that he will remember your birthday or anniversary. You're not looking for a spelling champ, just a guy who cares. Perhaps a little rhyme will jog his memory. Ask him to memorize this: "If you can't remember Terri with an 'i' then I'm afraid it's time to say, 'good-bye.'" That ought to help his memory.