Dear John: My husband, Charles, had a relationship with a woman many years ago. About eight months ago her 13-year-old son contacted him, asking to initiate a father-son relationship. Charles had doubts that he was, in fact, his son, so we asked the boy's mother for a clip of his hair for a DNA test. It cost us a ton of money, and we used funds from our retirement. The results came back negative. Now the mother says she's not sure it was the boy's hair, and if she had known how serious we were about our concerns, she would have been more careful. She also claims that we somehow "rigged" this test, and that Charles has to be the father because, at that time, she had slept with the other possible father only once. At this point, we would not pay for another test unless she splits the cost. Are we right to request this? — Enough Already in Nashville, Tenn.

Dear Enough Already: While you have the first test as proof, the woman has made it clear that, should it go to court, she would claim that it may not have been the boy’s hair. Since her end game is financial support for the child, a second test is possibly cheaper in the long run. If you want to resolve the issue once and for all, I suggest that the hair be taken from the boy when it can be witnessed and noted in writing by a notary, then turned over for a second test. There are also other types of DNA tests, from cells scraped from inside the cheek to the drawing of blood. Both of these tests are taken in the lab and eliminate any claim on her part that the DNA sample provided did not actually belong to the child in question. While there is an additional cost to you for all of this, doing so will give you both the peace of mind you seek.

Dear John: Although I am married, I haven't been in love with my wife for years. Recently I met a woman, Lisa, who has rekindled feelings that I had repressed. I feel like a new guy! Feelings that I thought were lost have returned. The problem is that Lisa is also married, although her marriage is also a failure. I know we appreciate each other more than our present spouses can. It would be a dream come true if we could get together, but we realize that this would cause serious complications. I talk to Lisa online many hours a day, and I get depressed when she isn't online. We talk to each other more every day than either of us have with our spouses in years. She appreciates me, and talks without yelling. We know we won't make the same mistakes, or get the same abuse that we've experienced in our current marriages. So, what's stopping me from being with the woman that makes me happy, rather than staying with the woman who is currently my wife? — Ready to Move On in Montgomery, Ala.

Dear Ready: How about a little thing called marriage and commitment? From what you've written, you've both made up your minds that your current relationships aren't working on many levels. Believe it or not, your respective spouses probably feel this repression you describe as well.

Despite your hopes and fantasies about Lisa, there is no guarantee that jumping out of your current situation and into another will have any better success unless you first tackle the issues that have been raised in your marriage. Remember that you once felt about your wife the way you feel about Lisa now. So do yourself a favor: Go into counseling before you make a final decision. If your wife won't join you, go by yourself. You'll get another opinion on these issues, and then you can make the decisions you need to make before moving on with the rest of your life.

John Gray is the author of "Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus." If you have a question, write to John in care of this newspaper or by e-mail at: www.marsvenus.com. All questions are kept anonymous and will be paraphrased. To find out more about John Gray and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

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