Dear John: My wife and I have separated, but we continue to have sexual relations, which is great every time. Recently, though she’s refused to kiss me. Why is she like this, and what can I do to get her kisses back? — Part of the Package, in Galveston, Texas

Dear Part of the Package: If you haven’t figured it out already, your relationship is in serious trouble. The separation is in itself evidence that something major is lacking in your communication with your estranged wife. Clearly, there is a physical attraction that you both still have for each other, and it is your physical compatibility that keeps bringing you back together. Kissing, on the other hand, conveys a type of intimacy that your wife is not feeling at this time. Her body may be receptive, but her heart is closed.

The purpose of a separation is to allow people a chance to live as if they were divorced without a formal dissolving of the marriage. It is a chance for both of you to gain a sense of autonomy from one another. You both are entitled to have love and passion in your lives. Until you take a complete respite from the relationship, both physically and emotionally, neither of you will be emotionally clear to make the decisions needed to determine your emotional, as well as physical, needs. Relationship counseling should help you to find that path allowing you to rebuild your marriage, or let it end.

Dear John: My girlfriend and I have been together for almost a year now. She has a jealousy problem. At first, I thought it was cute and that she was showing how much she cares for me. But recently she flipped on me in a way that I thought was uncalled for.

In all her past relationships the break-ups ended on bad terms, so she has no reason to communicate with any of her ex-boyfriends. On the other hand, I still have a friendship with my first real girlfriend. When I graduated, my ex gave me a hug, and my girlfriend flipped out. She really doesn't want me to have any female friends! Does she need to chill out, or do I need to exclude myself from every woman on earth? — Dating a Green-Eyed Goddess, in Chicago, Ill.

Dear Dating: Jealousy is a natural emotion. How we handle our jealousy determines if it is a problem or not. It's not unusual for her to feel a degree of discomfort when she sees you hug an old girlfriend. But, if she retaliates by demanding that you not interact with your friends, that is too controlling and therefore inappropriate.

To accommodate these types of demands would be submitting yourself to possible lifelong domination. Stand your ground and set your limits. When you have explained your feelings about other women in your life and expressed as best you can that these women are not the objects of your romantic intention, she should get the message. Also, should you converse with a woman in her presence, put your arm around your girlfriend, or stroke her arm gently. That sends a subliminal message to her that you're hers, and all hers. If after that she still doesn't get it, you would do best to move on. Then it will be her choice to deal with this problem, which will plague her in every relationship unless she can control her insecurities.

"Sex: Who’s On Top?"

When it comes to sex, he calls the shots.

In a recent Mars Venus/Redbook poll of 1,286 women, 27 percent say that he calls the shots, while 12 percent say that they are in charge. Another 14 percent agree, but wish he’d take the lead. The final 47 percent say that she and her guy take turns calling the shots.

Full results are shown below. To take parting this week’s Mars Venus/ Redbook poll, log on to http://www.redbookmag.com

Is Your Guy Your Sex Slave?

Yes!                                 12 percent

 Yes -- but I wish he'd take the lead more often.         14 percent

No, he calls the shots, and I love it!             27 percent

We take turns on top.                     47 percent

Total votes:                             1,286

NOTE: Because poll percentages are rounded, total values may not work out to 100 percent. Poll results are not scientific and reflect only the opinions of those users who choose to partake.

John Gray is the author of "Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus." If you have a question, write to John in care of this newspaper or by e-mail at: www.marsvenus.com. All questions are kept anonymous and will be paraphrased. To find out more about John Gray and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.
COPYRIGHT 2008 JOHN GRAY'S MARS VENUS ADVICE
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