Single File from Creators Syndicate

Inner Dialogue for 07/30/2008

Wed, 30 Jul 2008 00:00:00 -0700

DEAR SUSAN: I live in a small town and teach school here. I'm interested in meeting new people, but doing different things (joining clubs, taking classes) hasn't worked. I'm not getting any younger and feel my biological clock ticking. I enjoy the small-town atmosphere, but not the lack of decent male companionship. — Julie Anne B., Long Island, N.Y.

DEAR JULIE ANNE: Face it. You m ...

Updated: Wed Jul 30, 2008

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Odd -- and Helpful for 08/01/2008

Fri, 01 Aug 2008 00:00:00 -0700

This isn't the usual essay, in format or content, that you've come to expect around the first of the month. The outpouring of a happily married woman who nonetheless reads this column, it expands into a case history of a friend (male, divorced, one child) who in all the important ways seems to be the holy grail so many single women are seeking. (He's not an Adonis; his magnetism takes other for ...

Updated: Fri Aug 01, 2008

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Hiding in Plain Sight for 08/06/2008

Wed, 06 Aug 2008 00:00:00 -0700

DEAR SUSAN: For the past year, I've been "talking" to this guy on a computer service, but we've never met. We've talked about it, but we were never able to synchronize our vacation time. I was under the impression that everything was going well, but then all of a sudden, he stopped writing. (I know he's still on the service.) I wrote him once but got no reply. Should I write again? &m ...

Updated: Wed Aug 06, 2008

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Ah, Men for 08/08/2008

Fri, 08 Aug 2008 00:00:00 -0700

DEAR SUSAN: I was surprised and disturbed to find angry male responses to some of your recent advice. For years, I've found you to be the only female columnist (in print, broadcast or Web-based) who is unbiased and supportive of the modern male condition. I've often praised your insight and fairness at pro-male sites I occasionally contribute to. It's very rare today to find a woman in the medi ...

Updated: Fri Aug 08, 2008

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Destiny for 08/13/2008

Wed, 13 Aug 2008 00:00:00 -0700

DEAR SUSAN: I've been dating the same man for 11 years. We've talked about marriage, but he always seems to find excuses why we can't. I've tried to leave him several times, but after trying to meet others, I go back. (For the record, I'm 35 and have a good job.) How come all my friends find mates — some even twice? Is it possible some people just aren't destined to marry? — Katie K ...

Updated: Wed Aug 13, 2008

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Letting Go for 08/15/2008

Fri, 15 Aug 2008 00:00:00 -0700

DEAR SUSAN: I read your column on letting go. I've committed "letting go" while still in a relationship by suggesting to the girl I was seeing that I date others while still dating her, and it turned out to be very difficult for her to handle. She saw it as "backing out" of what we had. Did you mean letting go when the relationship fizzles or while it is still prospering? &m ...

Updated: Fri Aug 15, 2008

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The Terrible Too's for 08/20/2008

Wed, 20 Aug 2008 00:00:00 -0700

DEAR SUSAN: Reading your advice to women suffering from the Terrible Too's, I wonder if men also suffer from it. Do you think Gloria Steinem's advice would be the same for men? — Veronica B., Long Island, N.Y.

DEAR VERONICA: A rip-roaring, knee-thumping Yes! In the early days of the women's movement, she described it as the people's movement, bringing men under the umbrella of cons ...

Updated: Wed Aug 20, 2008

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Love, Examined for 08/22/2008

Fri, 22 Aug 2008 00:00:00 -0700

DEAR SUSAN: I've read your thoughts about love sneaking up on you. But how do you know when it IS love? What does it feel like? I've read that romantic love, the overwhelming desire you feel at first, isn't the real thing. But many of us base a lifetime on those intense feelings and find later, when the going gets rough, that some people can't take it and leave. What are your thoughts? — ...

Updated: Fri Aug 22, 2008

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Community Spirit for 08/27/2008

Wed, 27 Aug 2008 00:00:00 -0700

DEAR SUSAN: I'm a 28-year-old guy in graduate school in a town I just moved to. I've got lots going for me (I make good money, I'm in good physical shape, I'm decent-looking), but I have a hard time meeting women because I'm fairly shy and this town has an awful ratio of women to men. I joined two clubs, but they don't have many female members. And I hate the bar scene, so don't suggest that. A ...

Updated: Wed Aug 27, 2008

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Replacement Guarantee for 08/29/2008

Fri, 29 Aug 2008 00:00:00 -0700

DEAR SUSAN: I need to put my ex behind me and find someone new. I've got a lot of pain to get over, and I think it would be easier to do with another woman. I have my own business and am financially secure, and all I want is to treat some woman like a queen. If you could help me heal my broken heart, I'd be eternally grateful. — Arturo A., Long Island, N.Y.

DEAR ARTURO: Heart heali ...

Updated: Fri Aug 29, 2008

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One and Only You for 09/03/2008

Wed, 03 Sep 2008 00:00:00 -0700

Single life is a series of challenges. But the one that leaves me breathless even as I write this is the supersized dare to be undependent (aka whole) during unpartnered phases and (gasp) to actively retain that sense of self while coupled. And no, that's not an impossible dream. (Radical, yes, but eminently doable.) What it takes is conscious — and constant — vigilance.

The ...

Updated: Wed Sep 03, 2008

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Churchness for 09/05/2008

Fri, 05 Sep 2008 00:00:00 -0700

DEAR SUSAN: I disagree with looking for "sincere" people in church or charity work. That's using those venues, not true sincerity. Also, hoping to meet people through a chance encounter doesn't work. I've found that meeting has to be a priority or it just doesn't happen; the odds are much better in bars than "chance encounters." — Ron T., Long Island, N.Y.

DEAR ...

Updated: Fri Sep 05, 2008

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True Liberation for 09/10/2008

Wed, 10 Sep 2008 00:00:00 -0700

DEAR SUSAN: I was widowed two years ago after 42 years of marriage. I've begun looking for men my age but can't find any who share my interests. I won a 28-foot cruiser, like to snorkel and enjoy my personal computer. Men my age seem so dull and ready to just sit around, but on the other hand I hesitate to even think of dating younger men. Any advice? — Diana S., Long Island, N.Y.

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Updated: Wed Sep 10, 2008

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Dress Rehearsal for 09/12/2008

Fri, 12 Sep 2008 00:00:00 -0700

DEAR SUSAN: I'm 34, divorced and want to marry again. I've been in a relationship two years, but our time together is limited by our careers, my night school and the 40 miles between us. When we're together, we usually fight. She doesn't want to make a commitment until I finish school in two years. But at that point, we may still be unable to commit. — Clark C., Long Island, N.Y.

D ...

Updated: Fri Sep 12, 2008

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Sex and Friendship (Yet Again) for 09/17/2008

Wed, 17 Sep 2008 00:00:00 -0700

DEAR SUSAN: There's a feeling among many men (myself included) that we cannot do anything that won't be criticized by the women in our lives. Ergo, there is some anger in the "if you don't like the way I do it, you do it" stance. It's a part of me I must look out for at all times.

I'm not looking for a woman who is aggressive and will "do it all" in a relationship, ju ...

Updated: Wed Sep 17, 2008

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That Marriage Thing for 09/19/2008

Fri, 19 Sep 2008 00:00:00 -0700

DEAR SUSAN: Why is it so important for women to be married? A four-year relationship ended because I put off marriage. Now, a five-year relationship is over. When we met, she said she'd like to be married someday. I told her I didn't. But two years ago she started talking about her need to marry. If marriage is the symbol of ultimate love, how can one leave someone for not wanting it? — A ...

Updated: Fri Sep 19, 2008

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A Stab in the Dark for 09/24/2008

Wed, 24 Sep 2008 00:00:00 -0700

DEAR SUSAN: I recently ended a three-month relationship with a woman I met through a personal ad. At first, she paid for half our dates. Pretty soon, though, she sat back and let me pay for everything. After taking sex between us slowly, I made a few attempts but got the message that she wasn't interested in anything. At least, not with me. Why do some women string men along for companionship, ...

Updated: Wed Sep 24, 2008

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Different Degrees -- and Kinds for 09/26/2008

Fri, 26 Sep 2008 00:00:00 -0700

DEAR SUSAN: Regarding the woman who still loves the man who broke up with her, I don't understand your advice. You said she cares too much to try being just friends with him, but you always say friendship is based on caring. If I were in her position, I'd care too much NOT to try being friends with him. A good friend is too valuable to lose. — Tori S., Long Island, N.Y.

DEAR TORI: ...

Updated: Fri Sep 26, 2008

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I Resolve for 10/01/2008

Wed, 01 Oct 2008 00:00:00 -0700

This is the first resolution of the Declaration of Undependence, expanded. Each month there will be another one.

"I RESOLVE to think for myself in all situations rather than allow an 'expert' to decide the course of my life. While I will remain open to wise counsel, I alone will make the final decision in matters affecting my life. And when there are shared decisions to be made, I w ...

Updated: Wed Oct 01, 2008

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Plant Many Seeds for 10/03/2008

Fri, 03 Oct 2008 00:00:00 -0700

DEAR SUSAN: You're so right about how frustrating it is to prepare for a date. People stress out over it, and then it goes nowhere. When the investment of time, money and energy doesn't produce the results we hope for, we often consider it "wasted." But when we plant a garden, birds get some, and others never sprout. Are the seeds that don't turn into mature plants "wasted"? ...

Updated: Fri Oct 03, 2008

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