DEAR SUSAN: You make me crazy! You, the big promoter of women being more forward, are suggesting that your reader try your ploys. Don't you know that they are exactly what men hate? Setting up some phony situation where the guy is supposed to "get the hint" is not making the first move — it's manipulative wishful thinking. And controlling. Cynthia C. should forget your advice and listen to me.

Cynthia, step No. 1: Get to the seat and sit next to him. If there's another woman next to him, sit between the two. Carry a large bag.

Step No. 2: Say these words to him: "I like talking with you here at church. Can I take you to dinner next Saturday night?"

Step No. 3: Feel stupid because it was so easy and no big deal, and worked just fine. Being direct and honest is always the best solution. And the shyer you are, the better it is.

Step No. 4: (An afterthought for shy Cynthia) If any of this feels uncomfortable for you, rent three Katharine Hepburn movies and watch them the night before.

Blessings and further blessings. — Jack L., Santa Rosa, Calif.

DEAR JACK: As blessingful as you are (and I do feel 100 percent sure you have the very best intentions for Cynthia), many men are put off by a woman's forward moves. The chase is part of the male DNA, and co-opting it is not a smart move for chicks. Unless: The two of you know each other well enough to lay out your agenda openly and laugh about it; you know the man is shy (most men are) and you're adept at breaking the ice; or you've done this before and can bring it off smoothly.

Your well-meaning advice to be always direct and honest is indeed well-meaning, Jack, but it speaks of innocence and naiveté. As much as you and I see the relationship world the same way, friend, this is where we part ways and walk solo. Men are not (as a rule) up for double scoops of directness from women they don't know very well. (Even then, I'm not sure they like it.) It takes a heap of charm and diplomacy to weather the squalls of male-female relating. If you bristle at "ploys," let's use another word. But however it's couched, a woman's first move must be graceful. At least that's my stand. Do we agree on that?

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NUTRITION ACTION HEALTHLETTER

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www.cspinet.org

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