If there's one religion we can all practice, it's Kindness. It has no boundaries, no class distinction, no race differences. Best of all, it has no language barrier. Everyone recognizes a kind gesture, a helping hand, in every country and continent. The instinct to help is as ingrained as love. And when you think about it, kindness is very much in the family of love … love of our fellow man. We're every one of us part of that love when we go out of our way to show kindness. (And yes, indeed we are our brother's keeper!) Just today, as I was getting into a car, someone came over (totally out of the blue, as far as I was concerned) and offered to close the door for me. That kindness might have been inspired by my new pink lipstick, but it hadn't even a trace of romance in it. He and I probably will never see each other again, New York being the king of unexpected meetings, but I won't forget his small offer of help. Just as I recall the Danish man who refused to be paid for the coffee and cake he had bought for me during a stopover on the boat train to Stockholm. For sure we won't ever meet again (we wouldn't recognize one another even if we did), but his kindness is forever part of my memory bank, and makes it more likely that I will help someone along the way. Kindness is contagious.

With the large thruput of people in their social lives, singles are particularly well-positioned to dispense kindness. Their biggest chance is in the world of dating, where so much hurt can be inflicted by a thoughtless remark. Men usually do the asking, and their pain must be felt to be mitigated. This columnist's advice to women — to imagine oneself in the man's place — helps morph hurtful rejection into more tolerable refusal. Women need to know the vulnerability of always being the one doing the asking. And reminding them to walk in the man's shoes gets them to a kinder gentler mindset. All at once, they get it. Singles around the globe have the Aha experience, and it will be a better world because of it.

Breaking up is another sore spot in single life. For some, it's the nadir of their existence, but as I see it, it's also another chance for kindness to save the day. (A very different form of kindness and a supersized opportunity, take my word for it.) It needn't be the end of the world for either partner. If they have been diligent about keeping their friends and interests when they enter couplehood, it won't be earth-shattering. It's sad, yes, sorrowful, of course; the lovers' world, so carefully assembled, coming apart. But it's not a fatal injury. True, romantic love will end (for now), but other kinds of caring remain intact — family, friends, fellow workers — with a faint hint of a new you emerging. And the kindness you choose to dispense toward yourself will be a major factor in making this an important growth spurt. This scenario is a crossroads inviting a special sort of kindness, inwardly directed at your best friend. You will decide which types of kindness help you heal, and later on, which move you farther on your journey. Those choices are highly personal. Only you are privileged enough to make them.

But do remember to be as kind to your dreams as you are to the people around you.

Write to Susan Deitz c/o this newspaper. She will answer all letters that come with a self-addressed, stamped envelope. Or you may e-mail her at info@creators.com.

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