DEAR SUSAN: I've read your thoughts about love sneaking up on you. But how do you know when it IS love? What does it feel like? I've read that romantic love, the overwhelming desire you feel at first, isn't the real thing. But many of us base a lifetime on those intense feelings and find later, when the going gets rough, that some people can't take it and leave. What are your thoughts? — Ryan F., Long Island, N.Y.

DEAR RYAN: Love is not love that leaps and bounds and falls to pieces when it imperfection finds. (OK, my Shakespeare isn‘t perfect, but you get the drift.) That sort of euphoria must inevitably crash when reality enters the scene. The title of a long-running play in New York City has the quirky title "I Love You, You're Perfect, Now Change." Humorous, yes, but sadly all too true for many (most?) romances. The truth is, the euphoria and the crash are both spawned by fantasy thinking, linked to each other as part of the unreal. Slow, lingering, unpressured beginnings have the best chance of growing into the real thing because they're grounded in reality. It's hard to build illusions about someone who plays ball with you in the afternoon and sweats profusely afterward. Daylight is the ideal courting atmosphere because it tells it like it is. The point? Real love is built from reality — the more, the better. And the more you like this someone and the more respect and friendship are built in to your togetherness, the more likely the feelings are authentic. And time is the guaranteeing factor for the relationship. Admittedly, it's not easy to watch and wait in this impatient world accustomed to quick fixes and instant gratification. It takes maturity, patience, trust. (Not exactly lavish commodities on planet Earth, Ryan. But they are the tests for the real thing.) Deep feeling, time and faith in your own senses are what will convince you that the person in your heart is also in your soul.

WHAT'S THE LINK BETWEEN CAR AND DAMSEL? According to dating maven DeAnna Lorraine, "A man's vehicle sends messages about his character that women immediately pick up on." Together with Lease Trader, she assembled a profile of personality traits linked to the cars most popular with male drivers. Ready?

Chevy Suburban: These men like travel, adventure and spending time with family and friends. These cars draw women who are family-oriented, down-to-earth and easygoing.

Mercedes S-Class: These men are classy, successful, stylish and "sugar daddies." These cars attract women in their late 30s and early 40s who are sophisticated and enjoy being taken care of.

Ford F-150: These men tend to be insecure and overcompensate on a tough, macho level. The kind of women who gravitate to them want protection and safety.

Corvette: These men are basically conservative but are going through midlife crises that prod them to show some of their wild side. Women who go for them tend to like the bad boys and are themselves wild and impulsive rebels.

Toyota Camry: These men are solid and reliable. Their choice of car draws women who are sweet, levelheaded, uncomplicated and understanding.

Recognize your man — and yourself? Are you thinking of changing boyfriends or changing your car?

Write to Susan Deitz c/o this newspaper. She will answer all letters that come with a self-addressed, stamped envelope. Or you may e-mail her at info@creators.com.

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