DEAR SUSAN: Attractive people come in various shapes and sizes. For me, age 42, that means women in their mid-40s attract me as much as the ones in their mid-20s. I'd like to date all age groups. Do you think the 25-30 age group is realistic for me? — Amos W., Long Island, N.Y.

DEAR AMOS: All you've told me about yourself deals with numbers and age limits. That's fine — dabble in the dating world; meet women of all ages and stages. Go ahead, buzz the flowers. You'll learn about women and yourself. This will be an education you can only get from being in the thick of things. On the firing line. I suspect you'll end up with a woman close to your own age, someone who remembers the same love songs and feels like a friend and helpmeet. It's then that the really crucial numbers will kick in, the speed limit that can keep you sane and realistic. Love flourishes in a calm, unhurried environment. When it's the real thing, true and deep, time only makes it stronger. So there's no need to rush it. Love is a numbers game. Obey the speed limit.

QUIZ: Time for a few brain-ticklers? Take a quick glance and decide. And if you do decide to dive in, be my guest. And share with us!

— How do you intend to structure future love relationships? Does that planning include a marriage contract or some other type of formal agreement?

— What do you think you're missing by not marrying?

— Have you revised your definition of promiscuity since becoming single? Have you adopted more of a “live and let live” attitude since your own life has changed?

— Do your children resent your dating? How do you handle it?

— Do you have a sex partner sleep over when your children are home?

— Which would you prefer, ideally? One love for a lifetime or one at each stage of your emotional development?

Consider talking these issues over with friends. Close ones.

SUMMER TIP. If you didn't have a formal change-of-scene vacation this year, make it up to yourself by taking day trips. Start by phoning local bus lines for brochures of their tours, and don't be shy about asking friends to share the fun. (Choose only friends who are easy to be with, upbeat. And don't make the group only one gender; it's about time we learned from the young'uns and make friends with the other sex, the one we used to see as only dates or mates.) C'mon. We're over that.

Think of places you want to experience: Shakespeare in the park, outdoor concerts, Tanglewood, spas, historic sites, national parks. Call a meeting to talk about the idea of day-tripping. And think in terms of more than one break from the old grind. You need time out. We all do.

Write to Susan Deitz c/o this newspaper. She will answer all letters that come with a self-addressed, stamped envelope. Or you may e-mail her at info@creators.com.

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